I just went outside during the dusk glare and harvested some dandelion in a mini red and white striped dress with no underwear on. It was a summer moment and I look forward to the tea that will cleanse my internals and flush for a new chapter. Taken to a hault this morning by extreme exhaustion I have taken the day to evaluate my present stance. The day has given me that chance to stop, observe and create meaning around the towers that are falling down around me and allow me to view what it is time to make room for.
So the blog allows these words to be more then mumbles in my head. Documentation continuation so that happenings in this life can make a little more sense then just being a small fiction of history.
Ahh, well, lets start with the Colorado summer. Where the sunlight stays on us till 9 and the energy of the mountain town pulses and beats all around us. Clouds only make brief and un memorable appearances as we move with the light in search of more play, more work, and more social extravaganzas.
My schedule is once again a smorgasboard of jobs that can be a whirlwind to keep track of. Between slinging bundles with Megan as self marketeers to promote buying local, maintaining people's flowers, managing and maintaining the property we live on, helping Chris keep those pedicabs rolling, nannying peoples children, doing event work setting up classy parties and delivering boxes of organic veggies and fruits from Jack's side street market from a alley right in the middle of town I am zipping around like a bee to honey all over Aspen. Then there are the social movements. I have thrown more parties in this last year then all of my friends combined. There is this secret woman in me that wants these themed classy little shindigs with all the pieces fitting together. Fun? yes. Exhausting? Totally.
Why is it that we thrive off the constant activity only to eventually hit the wall running? Instead of having to be on one end of the extreme or the other I am now striving to find a daily balance within this schedule of mayhem to come back to myself, who I am, what I feel and what I need. I witness the degradation of my health and my state of mind when I am on the constant move of how to make everyone happy or how to make my bank account happy. It could just be that as I have approached 30 there is a slight priority change in how to fill the hours of my day and a subtle decrease in urgency to 'do it all'. Take in a deep breath, move in the flow, and then take a break to check in.
As a new wife I find my role has slightly changed from maybe who i was 2 years ago. I am still defining this line, but am awakening to a new perspective daily by feeling the changes and openly embracing them, even if it is a solo journey to really define them.
Mexico wedding was literally a dream. The magical whirlwinds of that whole month swirled around us in complete ecstasy. I feel that being there brought the truth out in everyone who made the journey to arrive. Being in Mexico relates to the real parts of ourselves that lay within us. They are the parts that are covered with bouganvillas and sea salt. They are the parts that want to eat chicken roasting on an open fire and watch hammocks be woven by indigenious hands. They are the parts that once the dust settles within our hearts and within our minds, we fall in love with all the worlds simplicities all over again.
I can't even just call them memories. That words seems so distant to me as they are just fleeting thoughts that should be left in the past. Something from that trip still remains with us and no matter how much time fills in the gaps between us and that journey we are constantly growing and building off of that experience. For Chris and I, that was a massive undertaking that we created from the ground up with much adversity and doubt. For us, it was a dream given wings and a gathering to let everyone experience it with us on a growing and winding vine. Life is so uncertain and the rush is so constant that we all need a reason to feel vital again and to feel raw. To see your friends catching 30 second rides from the point as orange luminescence glows off our noses, to make endless taco creations in open aired kitchens, to fold 100 birds and string them only for them to knot and do it all over again while sitting in a bathing suit, to see your friends travel so many miles with their newborn babies to awaken together on the pacific coast, to go 40 mph over a tope and laugh so hard you could cry when you see goat guy walking down the beach. These are all moments in time that stick with you and truly change you, if only you keep the simplicity of it all close to your heart.
So it remains as we now live in the present and embrace our love and what we have manifested for ourselves day in and day out. We get into the grooves and weeks pass as we check our email, drive around, make dinners, worry, laugh, try not to cry, think about the things you have to do, and watch as it gets dark then light again. Time passes so quickly.
I am truly grateful to have someone to come home to and share this with. We have our own place and it is serene as we make it more our own. There is work to be done, no matter what our career choice or if it will be the same forever. Daily work is what we make of it and how we feel while we do it. I take with me this week prudence to know when to stop and just revel in the joy of the experience instead the worry of missing something or filling in the blanks with more. I am in love, I have amazing food to eat to make to concoct and I am showered with pulsing moments of joy to revel in.
As crazy as this world is, when you are living in it, ripe and in the moment, all you can do is just love it and care for it because these moments are all we have. So I will continue the 12 jobs, the parties, the hikes, the harvesting, the fitting it all in. Yet I will do so with a little more mexico slow it down flair this time around as I appreciate my lovely husband, our small cozy abode, and the little fox that we call Jesse that sits outside of our bedroom windows on slow mornings and licks his paws.
