Transience becomes me. I have been living out of a black diamond climbing pack for the last 3 weeks. Before that it was a gigantic dry bag that was always full of dirty clothes for another month. The airport I am now sitting in I have sat in 4 times in the last 2 weeks, missing planes, waiting, eating, wondering where the hell I am. after travelling 240 miles in 21 days floating on a raft and only using natures power to move us, I am feeling exhausted by the high speeds in which we get going on these flying contraptions.
Life is propelling. We are naturally attracted and seek these propulsion, yearning for a degree of complexcity and an overall eagerness to feel valuable in this craziness of it. So we move with them, driving, phone, drive, phone, eat, phone, fly, go, move. Sitting at the airport, or in L.A. traffic, or just at a spur of the moment location passing in the night they are there, always. It leads me to these thoughts because I see them and our lives briefly co interact. I see them lost in the touch of their phone, the emails that elevate off each glance, I see the worry in them, the crease in their forehead, the hole in their pocket, and the attempt to fill the whole up again.
I know I have been given so much space in my own life for freedom and time to just be, to let my mind wander, to let new ideas manifest. I float and I propel. I am a propelling floater. A propoater. I also know that not everyone is bequeathed with the power to do so much floating. It is not as much monetary as just a mental characteristic passed down by floater parents.
So the float rolls on, ready to dive into a project, a place, a passion, a purpose. Not to stop the float, but just to build off of it really. And on your way home after visits to places always gives you the chance to start over. A chance to re invent the wheel and wheel your float on down the timeline.
Being in California cured my ocean blues that come on after not seeing it for 5 months. I swam with my eyes open every time I dove in. That color hue never changes for me. The blue hue with aqua rings that bubbles around me always feels just as nice as the time before, no matter how much time has passed. My body slides through salty liquid effortlessly. Everything is forgotton underneath the water. All of the hopes, the worries, the regrets, the remorse, the needs. All of it is gone. Then being with my cousins is always a lesson and inspiration in life loving. As Tommy pushes through his treatment with cancer I see his spirit go through the extremes of life. An 11 year old whom I admire, a boy who has a spirit that shines through any dark tunnels. A family that is seeing lifetimes with their situation. I admire Kathy, Tommy and Vivi like they are some sort of soul mates for me and to inspire me in how use perspective to shape my own journey.
On top of the Grand Canyon venture and the grandma visit in suburban Detroit, I have been hopping around the American landscape with evolving perspectives. Still figuring out how the 3 of them come together. Yet I know already that all those experiences never let me feel lonely. I am so consitently surrounded by people who create love and community for me wherever I go.
Now it is home again, soon enough. With the dreams and memories of the Grand Canyon still drifting in and out of my scene, the gratefulness of grandmas, the happiness that I dont live in a suburb, the glide of my body down a wave in San Clemente, the realization of what cancer does, and the beauty of having space to live a life of beauty. I see the projects moving forth from here. Through the interaction with other people one only learns more about oneself. I have much further to go, but know that the life that I have lived thus far and the one I think about on a daily basis along with the dreams, the projects, the passions, I know it is the only way to live and that I will always go out of my way to have it.
Sometimes my main thought while sitting in these chairs at airports, and all those other new obscure places is, that I can only hope that everyone walking by me is living the life that they dream of. Every single one of them deserves that.
