Stuff and what it means to us

I got a peugeot retro racing bike when I was a junior in college in St. Augustine. I sadly let my 'free spirit'- the beautiful raspberry retro townie I previously had- wish away in the backyard. uggh, I still regret that, she was a bute. Yet when you are 22, graduating college, breaking up with your long time boyfriend and heading west you go ahead and charge forward with a light load. Somehow I managed to pack the Peugeot though and happy as a cat I made that decision. I am pondering the sale of it as I go through my things as I know the hipsters in the west coast cities would treat her with much due respect and ride her with a sense of self identity which gives her the meaning of being a retro road bike after all these years.
I know what it means to say goodbye and to let go. It is never easy, but gets more gracious over time. Leaving any life behind requires diligence in shedding layers of our own idea of self identity.
Other things I gave away that Spring after college:

The Juice it- the ultimate machine in orange juice squeezing and with FL oranges in plenty, I was in heaven. I didn't think the juice it would be as happy in Colorado.
My brothers ramshackle porch paintings: I handed these down to art lovers by leaving them right where they were stapled to our porches walls. they may still be there under those oaks creating joy in peoples lives.
That orange swivel chair with foot rest: ooh la la....picture it: classic golden orange velvety swivel chair with matching foot rest. That thing came right from the 50's and was a real gem.

The list may go on, but why even think about it? I still manage to be living out of a suitcase time and again (as I am now-glad I kept that one though- circa 1940s brown hard case), and also have a storage unit that sits lonely, untamed, and confused of its identity down the road from me. Why do we always want stuff, but then that same stuff puts us in a mood like no other (escpecially when it doesn't have a place and is staring at you like a lost puppy dog wondering if you will soon drop it off at the pound, or the thrift store)? Everytime Chris and I go to those endless doors amongst the asphalt roadways of the effusive storage unit we find ourselves pestering then followed by a shedding of more random bits and bobs. A lovely chore indeed, but I am getting down to the point where I refuse to shed another inch of skin. I have what I want, what I need, what represents my past or what will represent my future and I crave a place to put those things neatly and orderly in their little spots.

I am growing up and seek a suitcase always ready to be packed, but a place to come home to when it all comes around that doesn't consist of a big heavy metal door behind a locked gate that lifts into a world of my life, my clutter, my reality all stuffed in and stacked about like hostages from my past.
Then I can rid, I can recycle, upcycle, make it myself, re invent it, regurgatate, re give it or just plain remember it whenever and however I want to. At least I will know where to find it, cause it will have a spot. And so will I.

....but on the other hand, if I woke up and everything disappeared, all the stuff, the clothes, the muck that sticks me to it....I wouldn't bat an eyelid, and would happily embrace freedom into new territory with less history.

Finding Place

Were back....! Just I am back, but I do have dueling personalities so I consider me a we.
Dropped out of blogging world for awhile there, but feeling compelled to write again. Changing seasons send us into new illustrations, visions, and thoughts. I am feeling a need to concentrate on these mindful illusions right now.
Chris and I picked up 3 weeks ago from our nice little happy home up in West Sopris Creek and packed it all up to throw ourselves in the car again for footloose moments of fancy free window seats. And that's what we had, we wheeled through the lonliest road in nevada (highlight- shoe tree see pic) out to Nor Cal for some adventures on a remote ranch on the Klamath River. I met some interesting folk up north and had a chance to check out the towering Shasta mountain and Shasta town. The landscape up there is full and rich with diversity in your every exploration. The energy and the vibe is very chill, relaxed and go with the flow- wonder why? I made the connection.

We met the trip south to San Fran with much excitement to get in some showers and energetic city time. After spending the whole Summer living in the woods up in our little cottage above Basalt I was ready for some city moving. We enjoyed our time traipsing around Berekely and the whole Bay area for a few days. We went to the Natural Science museum in Golden Gate Park which preceded to blow us away with biospheres of rainforests, aqauriums filled with glowing flowing fish, and a living roof overlooking the city. We were able to catch up with some friends while there and even got a day of cold cold cold surfing down in Pacifica. Brrrrr to the max.
I fell in love with the Bay area, like I tend to always do when I go there. And this weird part of me tells me to move there and apprentice with someone wonderfully San Franciscoan, like a nutritionist or an artist and join a dance class and make my own upcycled clothes. It all sounds sooooo San Fran and wildly colorful doesn't it?

Yet, the morning we left to head south we were both very ready since a deep fog was sitting on top of the town and pushing down on our hangovers. This girl needed ocean to swim in and soon. Driving on the main freeways in California proves to be extremely monotonous and, all and all annoying. You get a fist class glance at large scale agriculture all the way down the 5, complete with the smells and horrible poofs of smoke everywhere. Add on to that all the fast food chains you see at every exit and it really is enough to convince me to continue taking overseas adventures instead of the endless truck stop road trips in America. There are some beautiful places to see, but there are long arduous journies in between with no good food.

Newport Beach and San Diego provided the usual happiness with blooming jasmine, hibiscus, and succulants popping off every landscape and sunny waves cresting on every beach. We had some surf, hung with the newport family (always a favorite pastime), and did some yard projects in Brent's new contemporary very cool urbanite home. I can't wait to go back and see how all the vines and pathways that we planted and created evolve with time. The whole scene there is artistic and one of my highlights culture wise was a show at the contemporary art museum downtown called "Viva la Revolucion" http://www.mcasandiego.org/vivalarevolucion/ I also tried on some wedding dresses and loved the back of this one, yet the "one" hasn't found me yet, I thought I would share the delicacy of this one in a picture.

We took the journey east on Monday after one more slip in to the ocean. Living without the ocean proves to be difficult for me every time. I always wonder when I leave why I don't live closer, but I know the reasons exist and include not finding the right place just yet that exists on a right hand pointbreak, with a cute town, down to earth/conscious people, and mountains near by.

So I exist here, back in Colorado. Once again, no permenant home and in transition on where to live, how to commit and how to balance it all out. A new phase has approached Chris and I leading us to realize we want more permanence, more commitment by making bold decisions with the need to bring our ideas to fruition. I feel confident to move into this next phase of finding more permenance in my homelife, work and using my passions to create bountiful connections in one place. I am ready to build a life, even if it is from the ground up, I am currently embracing my need to commit and create a stability in this community and to use my creativity to customize this life to who I really am and to succeed at what I really want to do.... The different phases of life give me a chance to create ideas and be willing to give them breath.
Ahead: New business, wedding planning, a new home to settle in, creating deeper connections, and active/creative pursuits winter style.