Finding Place

Were back....! Just I am back, but I do have dueling personalities so I consider me a we.
Dropped out of blogging world for awhile there, but feeling compelled to write again. Changing seasons send us into new illustrations, visions, and thoughts. I am feeling a need to concentrate on these mindful illusions right now.
Chris and I picked up 3 weeks ago from our nice little happy home up in West Sopris Creek and packed it all up to throw ourselves in the car again for footloose moments of fancy free window seats. And that's what we had, we wheeled through the lonliest road in nevada (highlight- shoe tree see pic) out to Nor Cal for some adventures on a remote ranch on the Klamath River. I met some interesting folk up north and had a chance to check out the towering Shasta mountain and Shasta town. The landscape up there is full and rich with diversity in your every exploration. The energy and the vibe is very chill, relaxed and go with the flow- wonder why? I made the connection.

We met the trip south to San Fran with much excitement to get in some showers and energetic city time. After spending the whole Summer living in the woods up in our little cottage above Basalt I was ready for some city moving. We enjoyed our time traipsing around Berekely and the whole Bay area for a few days. We went to the Natural Science museum in Golden Gate Park which preceded to blow us away with biospheres of rainforests, aqauriums filled with glowing flowing fish, and a living roof overlooking the city. We were able to catch up with some friends while there and even got a day of cold cold cold surfing down in Pacifica. Brrrrr to the max.
I fell in love with the Bay area, like I tend to always do when I go there. And this weird part of me tells me to move there and apprentice with someone wonderfully San Franciscoan, like a nutritionist or an artist and join a dance class and make my own upcycled clothes. It all sounds sooooo San Fran and wildly colorful doesn't it?

Yet, the morning we left to head south we were both very ready since a deep fog was sitting on top of the town and pushing down on our hangovers. This girl needed ocean to swim in and soon. Driving on the main freeways in California proves to be extremely monotonous and, all and all annoying. You get a fist class glance at large scale agriculture all the way down the 5, complete with the smells and horrible poofs of smoke everywhere. Add on to that all the fast food chains you see at every exit and it really is enough to convince me to continue taking overseas adventures instead of the endless truck stop road trips in America. There are some beautiful places to see, but there are long arduous journies in between with no good food.

Newport Beach and San Diego provided the usual happiness with blooming jasmine, hibiscus, and succulants popping off every landscape and sunny waves cresting on every beach. We had some surf, hung with the newport family (always a favorite pastime), and did some yard projects in Brent's new contemporary very cool urbanite home. I can't wait to go back and see how all the vines and pathways that we planted and created evolve with time. The whole scene there is artistic and one of my highlights culture wise was a show at the contemporary art museum downtown called "Viva la Revolucion" http://www.mcasandiego.org/vivalarevolucion/ I also tried on some wedding dresses and loved the back of this one, yet the "one" hasn't found me yet, I thought I would share the delicacy of this one in a picture.

We took the journey east on Monday after one more slip in to the ocean. Living without the ocean proves to be difficult for me every time. I always wonder when I leave why I don't live closer, but I know the reasons exist and include not finding the right place just yet that exists on a right hand pointbreak, with a cute town, down to earth/conscious people, and mountains near by.

So I exist here, back in Colorado. Once again, no permenant home and in transition on where to live, how to commit and how to balance it all out. A new phase has approached Chris and I leading us to realize we want more permanence, more commitment by making bold decisions with the need to bring our ideas to fruition. I feel confident to move into this next phase of finding more permenance in my homelife, work and using my passions to create bountiful connections in one place. I am ready to build a life, even if it is from the ground up, I am currently embracing my need to commit and create a stability in this community and to use my creativity to customize this life to who I really am and to succeed at what I really want to do.... The different phases of life give me a chance to create ideas and be willing to give them breath.
Ahead: New business, wedding planning, a new home to settle in, creating deeper connections, and active/creative pursuits winter style.

Book Manifestos hoisting the sails

I spent close to 3 hours at the bookstore today. There is something about small homey bookstores that has always enamored me into an altered state of small town happiness. I have used amazon.com many times to buy books and find myself wandering aimlessly online for hours, reading reviews, trying to figure out if it is the book that will change the rest of my life. The cheaper route may seem more user friendly, but I feel like crap after 3 hours of "browsing". Small bookstores creek when you walk into them. The walls are full of deep mahogany colored bookshelves and the binds sit there perfectly resting in their places colorful and molding into the walls. I scan the aisles for a color, a word, a instinct of some sort that will send me the book. I pick it up. It feels soft to the touch and usually gives off an unyielding sense of what it is about before I even can turn it over. I officially get lost. Only the ring of the bell hanging on the front door startles me with a close behind, "hello, how are you" phrase thrown out by the easygoing literary graduate calmly sitting behind the check out counter. Small conversations ensue, talk of local happenings, book talk, shit talk, then someone orders a latte over in the coffee corner and they are on their way to book heaven.

When I was about 16 and first started driving I came upon a used bookstore in the town I grew up in. It looked like a shack off another building and behind some other bigger building. It had corrugated iron walls and looked like it may just fall over if you took too many books off one of the shelves. At that age it was the first bookstore that literally consumed me for hours. I remember buying "The Re-Enchantment of Everyday Life" there and feeling like I had a key to a lost door somewhere after that. It became a haven for me to escape home, friends, cars.....until one day it disappeared. Eventually the big box bookstores came in and swiped all those little guys right up. I can't even remember now where that store was or what it even looked like. It is almost as if it was just a fragment in my mind of a time and place that I can visualize the experience of, but have no idea the exact location.

I showed up at the townseller bookstore in Basalt last year the day they were closing. I was in shock and still drive by that spot and mourn its loss and the taking of town vitality with it.

So I try to keep the feel alive by buying books local. I am very pleased with the fact that in 1 week I will have an unmeasurable amount of freetime to lay in a hammock and read books. For me, this is a beautiful thing after many months where the activity of reading a book came not enough and when it did come the words all mashed together as I thought of what I was going to do the next day in the back of my head. After 3 pages I realized I wasnt paying attention then immediately after that it was time for sleep.
So here is what I picked up:

"The Thing about Life is that one Day you'll be Dead" -David Shields-biography, philosophy, biological science, culture- Basically the writers journey of seeing his father dying and analyzing what it means to be alive through not only philosophical and psychological avenues but also through scientific ones

"Blessed Unrest" - Paul Hawken - About groups, individuals, organizations that are working towards making positive changes in social movement, environmental issues and overall global justice

"Exuberance- The Passion for Life" Kay Redfield Jamison- A book about the human spirit and the power of exuberance- lots of awards, I love the word exuberance and always think we all need a little more, so why not?


"A Fraction of the Whole"- Steve Toltz- A nice long funny fiction about family, some crazy travel, love ambition. Always nice to have a long fiction for the long peaceful nights by candlelight in the beach shack travels

I want to pick up a Tom Robbins book as well. I miss his literary exuberance and his knack for metaphors that shake the earth on my axis. Not sure what I will bring yet but hope they all include a concoction of inspiration, audacity, mediation, sex, grace, mortality, knowledge, and some little twinges of itty bitty book worm laughter.

Free at last, again, and not for the last time

Change is upon us. Up up and away into the spring we go. Tomorrow I will look out the window and the ski lifts will not be moving anymore. Shut down. Season change, energy change, priority change. It all keeps me on my toes and I think that is why I like it here in this area of constant movement and shifting energies.

And then off I go, to a new surrounding. There is such excitement bubbling for my up coming surf trip to Mexico that I could potentially explode into small pieces and disperse everywhere. There is something about adventure that has been calling me lately. I need sporadic decisions, spontaneous combustion, culminatiing culture, unknown enclaves. I am turning into my father in many respects when it comes to needing freedom and creating a lifestyle that includes instinctive turns into faraway places. I know that surfing is calling after me. Surfing brings a certain confidence to my life, a certain cleansing sensation, a certain tone of strength that I crave again to have in accomplishing any current and future endeavors. I love what it has always given me. Surfing made me who I am . It was my first adventure.

The trailer for this movie brings me back to the mentality I spent much of my later high school and early college years dreaming about.....
http://vimeo.com/5936526
Is there something missing? Do I live this life? But do I feel still caught up in what I should be doing all of the time? I am living this life in a way, but I do think lately as I grow older and more into myself I am figuring out step by step in which direction my energy should flow. I can make it work. All the pieces, career, family, travel, home, they can all come together. Something in me has always known that I can balance these things in a way of beauty. I am working on it, without having to "work" or "think about it all too much.

Time to be free again. My things will soon all be in a dark room with a lock on it sitting there smelling the poop from the nearby cow fields. I will be with one backpack, no cell service, a surfboard bag and some sunglasses. Can't friggin wait for the freedom. I have always been good at being free. Something I have always strived to be a professional in.

I do think we all have our own distinctive ways of dealing with life decisions. You look back in history and you see the difference in peoples needs and the way that these characteristics were passed down through the generations. There are the explorers, the shackeltons (the treacherous journey south into rugged waters), the captain cooks(the desire to explore far away lost lands and islands even if the natives threw spears at him upon arrival), the general Powells (the first trip down the Grand Canyon just to document its outcome in the most precarirous style wooden boat for rapids so fierce that they cant even be classified), the roz savages (courageous woman rowing over the Pacific and the Atlantic in hopes of giving the greater public awareness of climate change). The list goes on an on. The ones who take a risk, the ones whose conviction becomes stronger then their need for comfort, the individuals that seek new horizons and who discover new worlds weather inside or out of themselves. There area also the people who are more along the lines of settlers or homesteaders. When the first colonial peoples set west from the east coast a century ago or so they headed into open country, a new space. There is a certain attitude and mindset that comes with taking this leap of faith. There is also a respectable mindset for staying back, staying comfortable, building a homestead, caring for children, building a life in one place.

These 2 types may exist in all of us, but one just may predominantly overcomes the other. Lately adventurers inspire me to do something with a wider spectrum of spontaneous outcomes and to find a greater good to support. The homestead can still be there, but the adventure is what currently calls.

It is nice when you let go with minimal belongings and don't let your stuff consume you or define you for that matter. I am ready for that. I am also ready for time away from the phones, the computers, the scheduling, the efficiency of daily life. I am pretty good at efficiency and scheduling, commuinicating, and staying up with all of it. Yet I do feel in our current times that we are overly stimulated by all of this and that keeping up with it at a constant rate is literally exhausting and counter intuitive. We all need a little time to reflect and new surroundings help that for me.

I feel very happy right now. Like I am in the right place. I have worked hard and saved some money, now I am off to surf and feel sun on my body all day, only to be followed by a summer out in the rocky mountains. There are always challenges in our future, there are always anticipated fears, but they subside in just one breath when you are in the right mood. I am un certain of where i will live but know that the right place will come. We will walk up on it and the feeling will over come us. We will just know. Like any adventurer would when finding there new land. And of course there is always another one right around the corner. But every adventurer needs a tree house to settle in between journies to use all the skills and thoughts that they have learned and to record them into a piece of earth. I see a home with big view, creative energizing space, a garden in the works, a happy kitchen to cook in, a place to build and use tools, and stimulated people to live with. All while working at the summer camp with my favorite age group of kids learning together, riding pedicabs around town, taking long hikes next to rivers and fluttering Aspen trees, and having dinner parties with close friends, my parents, and my lova.

Everything is as it should be. Everyday is an adventure.

Life is black and white

Tonight I babysat a fabulous little tyke, ate the best kale salad I have ever had, stared down pieces of indispersed art in a cutish small victorian on the east side of Aspen, looked at fashion magazines, and fell into someone elses world for a few hours. I enjoy all of my random jobs and the people I get to meet in my many lives. I peek into others lives and see myself living them in different stages of my own time here on earth. We are all so elusive and the fun lies in the little style we carry around in our souls and present in our movements and expressive choices. So fun.

Driving home tonight I almost mis took the houses perched way up in the air as stars. I eventually sharpened my eye (arrggg, pirate eye) & witnessed the line of the mountains subtly cutting through the black edges seperating the land and the moons palace above it. I live in a little town creviced between 3d landmasses that sit in heavy solitude around me. I forget this fact when i am sandwiched in this little world but am awakened by it time and again. I love that open space surrounds me but am taken back that my life and where I take myself in this open space can remain so small when I remain on only familiar routes. It is easy to forget to get off the beaten track and explore something right around the corner. There are so many corners to turn arent there?

Now cozy in the bed with sheets crumbled around my body I relent to the day. So many different things penetrate my life right now. Real jobs, side businesses, personal needs, other peoples projects that I have been assigned to, my own need for more creativity and personal expression within it. Balance is key right now. So is peace of mind. And I know that something is missing.
Sometimes I wish life was just like black and white postcards. They ooze a sense of frivolousness and carefree seconds that happen that just when we seem to be ignoring them. These moments are captured in an unstrained light when put in black and white. Life is full of raw emotion in these photos. An affect that moves through my body like a full on frieght train running down from my throat to my heart to my belly bewildering every part in between occurs. Yet these unfaltered emotions dont feel heavy or condescending. They feel real and freeing. They make me smile in comfort that simplicity (with unassembled fashionable undertones), that romance (and eyes full of gracious adornment) , that spontaneaity (without too much thinking), chance encounters (no cell service), and naked honesty really do still exist.

When I was 13 my friend Tiffany and I would ride bikes up to the bookstore near her house and turn the racks of such beautiful pieces of art. The rack would spin and spin like a petite ballerina that I had complete control of, and each time I saw a postcard come around it was like I saw it again, but for the first time. The rest of the bookstore was a blur. I was in focus. And that is what such timeless photos can do, give you a chance to always start over and to find what you want to be in focus.

Respect for the lives that we live

I don't know how it has been so long since an update. Some things you must treat like a job I guess. Anything that you plan to incorporate in your life on a regular basis must have some reference to an activity that is incorporated into you life already...hence a job. Something we do every week without blinking cause you know you have to. That is how I wish I could treat yoga, jewelery making, crocheting, natural energy bar making, working out, getting better at skiing, gardening, documenting, writing, Local Spokes developing, reading...you get the picture. I do all this stuff and love it, but the gaps of time between the actions get too big. We all have outer passions that we want to create into more full time gigs. one day we all will have our lives figured out. Or maybe not.
Just wanted to add in a small update. February has been glorious in Colorado. It started with a hut trip up to the Fritz hut about 6 miles from Aspen. The hike out there took about 3 or 4 hours. I used my split board for the first time and I glided along through the Aspens and Firs in isolated perpetual happiness. Speedy one and speedy 2 (Chris and Talbott lost me pretty fast) so it was just my music, my heavy backpack and I cruising along. With the skies opening and the views of Aspen town left behind it truly was one of those days where you feel actively happy. The night continued with endless exhaustive laughter in the hut. It felt so good to be in a space build by hand deep in the woods perched on a mountain with 360 views. It made me realize even more that I need to build again and live in a space of that sort.
The month continued with with a perfect Mardi Gras day and more ridiculous laughter and behavior, a Local Spokes meeting (we are getting pumped up on our pedicab operations this summer- more on that soon!), metal work class at the college (made some wave earrings) and just a more relaxed tone then the partying that took place in January. Chris brought home 1st place from his tele competition out in Tahoe. Needless to say , he is stoked. Jumping off cliffs on skis and landing those jumps can get you that way. Then to finally bring winter into the mix last weekend we recieved 3 feet of snow up in Aspen and snowmass. Thank the gods for that one. It was an incredible 3 days. I remembered again why I love snowboarding as I swiftly cruised down the mountain floating on clouds the whole time. What a blessing that action can be for ones mind.

And now here I am out in California on a mini trip for my Uncle Tim's memorial. A bittersweet break from the winter you could say. Tim was a classic uncle. Always loved when I stopped by as I have cruised through southern california on many trips over the years. We would sit on his couch and drink greyhounds or head to the horse track and bet on some races. He had a very loving undertone with a cynical humor that made me roar out with load crazy laughter. When we were kids him and my cousins nicole and karl would come out to the Florida Keys with us. HE would video tape everything on one of those gigantic video cameras. Last time I saw him I watched the dance that Nicole and I choreographed to that Kokomo song on a pull out bed in our hotel. These times brought so much joy to Tim. He loved his family and whenever these short visits were over, after all the shit talking we all did, he would give me that sincere hug and tell me he loved me.

Uncle Tim, rest in Peace. I hope its fun up there.....

In the midst of the ceremony we are attending out here and the difficulty of that I must say this trip is needed for me right now. It is nice to get a change of place. I was feeling a little anxious the last few weeks starting to feel the season change and feeling ancy about what the next step is. It is nice to step back into the present.

All those hilarious moments

Mon o mon. There are some funny people out there. I work 2 days at a little ski shop hidden in a small enclave right off a ski run. Within this 20 hours of work lays much laughter in just the observations of people and the way they act when they are on vacation. The guy I work with calls them "muppets"///// Yes. Aren't we all muppets sometimes? Sometimes I wish I could be more of a muppet. What genius characters those were.
Much laughter is created through the joy I do get out of those purely seinfled esque moments. You know the ones. Where you catch someone doing something ridiculous and so silly that you notice it and it makes you sit back and think "wow". "Is that guy really gonna carry his skis like that?....uh uh. Oh yeah he is". It really just brings me joy if people are being themselves. Which is one of the most refreshing things you can do in the world. Because in peoples truest moments, when they dont think or notice anyone looking is where the best human observation moments occur and truth speaks between the lines. When someone wears a full piece purple ski suit from 1982 I feel like I love them. We all live in our bubbles but it is those random encounters with other people who live in their bubbles that we all pop. There is a unity within all of our diverse characteristics, flaws, philosophies that people watching must bring out in even the most cynical of us. I interact everyday with these people from halfway across the world or halfway across the state. They all come to one place to convene and to partake in vacation like activities. Most all of them live a life very different from mine and extremely unique to their own physical location and upbringing. Somedays these people may annoy the shit out of me, sometimes they say things so nonchalantly that I wish I could write a whole comedy skit about, and sometimes they are in and out so quick kind of like these thoughts.

And off we go. Like particles in the sky, like muppets on the road, like fingers on the keyboard. I enjoy these encounters with people wherever I am and know that being in tune with other people in all of there weird glory can get me through any frustrating day and bring a shining light of hilarious to any situation.

Towers of Truth surrounded by Moats of Glory

I asked you a question
I didn't need you to reply
Is it getting heavy?
And then realize
It's getting heavy
Well I thought it was already as heavy as can be

Is it overwhelming
To use a crane to crush a fly?
It's a good time for Superman
To lift the sun into the sky
Cause it's getting heavy
Well I thought it was already as heavy as can be

Tell everybody
Waiting for Superman
That they should try to
Hold on the best they can
He hasn't dropped them, forgot them or anything
It's just too heavy for Superman to lift

- Iron and Wine "Waiting for a Superman"


Listened to this song sitting on the couch and forking through the risotto I made for dinner. What is with risotto? Yes, it is good. Moistly laddened rice with that nice creamy italian flavor bouncing off of it. Oh yeah, delightful you say. But seriously, it so time consuming to cook and by the end of the whole ordeal all i could do is fork through it. I think I needed to take my mind off whatever my mind was rambling on about so I decided to make something that you need to stand over and stir for 1 hour to cook. All worth it in the end? Sure.

All I could do is listen to that song though. Something about it just makes sense. What a weekend. After Chris had a close call with death in a car accident and then getting texts all afternoon from my cousin Kathy that her son Tommy (one of my favorite people in the world) was in intensive care and maybe going to die all in one day I thought I would have a heart attack at age 28! Then I got the stomach flu, had run ins with not so desirable people, had to work and put on a happy face when all a girl wanted was to hide in comfy pants and watch movies all day cozy time.

Ahh, well all is back in order now and I am up and carrying the blocks of life and the pails of water to rebuild. They will get heavy again. Inevitable. Yet, we have to just look forward to all the days in which what we carry with us feels light and easy. When they get too heavy to carry we will put them down, take a break and get up to walk again. With those blocks we will build beautiful towers of truth encircled by clear moats of glory of that not so heavy water we carried. That water that we never spilled on the long walk to our building site.

Because we all our here to build something. Weather it is metaphorical or not doesn't really matter. Lets be honest with ourselves here. We are all in it together. So don't waste another minute. If someone else dropped their heavy pails then, by gosh, help them pick it up. Human beings are too complicated for our own good. Yet innately I feel like we just want to make wonderful things happen, be progressive, and have fun in the process. So in my mind that means we go forth down this road, whatever road it may be, and we build something useful together. It makes us see that nothing is that heavy other then our minds sometimes and that really each one of us is one little lucky schmuck taking time for granted again.