Bundles of bounty in Midsummers Dream

MMMMMM, this week so far has consisted of wild stinging nettle pesto whirring in my mini blender, wearing a Jane Fonda leotard with 3 friends while running up the circa 1970 par course, bike rides, rafting in laughter down the roaring fork, emotionally being attached to the womens U.S. Soccer teams loss, and getting lost in late night dance sessions twice at Belly Up. In the swing of the a thing called Summer.

This brings me to this weeks favorite things: nutty pesto with fresh raw cheese (mmm, and ginger rhubarb pancakes?) Or the wild Arnica growing outside my house asking for a harvest and medley making.
The leotards that Lula found in a random Snowmass closet and confiscated for our use of re creating the work out video (stay posted)
Hard rains in the afternoon Flowers in full bloom
Finally being where I am and seeing its bounty all over me workwise and funwise.

Summer is all around me and I want to eat it with a fork. Between the jobs and the phone calls and the emails and the bundles being delivered to innocent happy people there is a little smidgen of time to watch the clouds to roll by.
I fit in the little projects when I find time to pull myself from the lure of outside activities before dusk overcomes and sleepiness succumbs. Starting to think about jewlery projects, the loitering thank you letters still left, writing more and more ( this penetrates my brain constantly), and last but not least......brrrrrruuummmmm....drum roll.......!!!!......thats right, Burning Man Costumes. All creative projects need to be focused on a little thing called end of August Rite of Passage journey to the desert with 40,000 other random people. There we will solve all of the world problems for a week.

What kind of costumes do I want to manifest for Burning Man? I am thinking that my Rite of Passage is into becoming a woman and the style I see is glamourous vintage Monaco France boho shiek meets edgy Mad Max desert wanderer. I see it now. Flowy, sexy fabrics, dresses, scarves, sharp lines, confident, rugged, ready. For anything.

Let the nights carry me away. Hope where everyone is becomes everything they want. I miss every corner of the earth and every person who I know when I am happy and wish them every bit of their summer's dream comes to them in a bundle.

Swells pursuing the Colorado shore pulsing with purpose

I just went outside during the dusk glare and harvested some dandelion in a mini red and white striped dress with no underwear on. It was a summer moment and I look forward to the tea that will cleanse my internals and flush for a new chapter. Taken to a hault this morning by extreme exhaustion I have taken the day to evaluate my present stance. The day has given me that chance to stop, observe and create meaning around the towers that are falling down around me and allow me to view what it is time to make room for.

So the blog allows these words to be more then mumbles in my head. Documentation continuation so that happenings in this life can make a little more sense then just being a small fiction of history.

Ahh, well, lets start with the Colorado summer. Where the sunlight stays on us till 9 and the energy of the mountain town pulses and beats all around us. Clouds only make brief and un memorable appearances as we move with the light in search of more play, more work, and more social extravaganzas.

My schedule is once again a smorgasboard of jobs that can be a whirlwind to keep track of. Between slinging bundles with Megan as self marketeers to promote buying local, maintaining people's flowers, managing and maintaining the property we live on, helping Chris keep those pedicabs rolling, nannying peoples children, doing event work setting up classy parties and delivering boxes of organic veggies and fruits from Jack's side street market from a alley right in the middle of town I am zipping around like a bee to honey all over Aspen. Then there are the social movements. I have thrown more parties in this last year then all of my friends combined. There is this secret woman in me that wants these themed classy little shindigs with all the pieces fitting together. Fun? yes. Exhausting? Totally.

Why is it that we thrive off the constant activity only to eventually hit the wall running? Instead of having to be on one end of the extreme or the other I am now striving to find a daily balance within this schedule of mayhem to come back to myself, who I am, what I feel and what I need. I witness the degradation of my health and my state of mind when I am on the constant move of how to make everyone happy or how to make my bank account happy. It could just be that as I have approached 30 there is a slight priority change in how to fill the hours of my day and a subtle decrease in urgency to 'do it all'. Take in a deep breath, move in the flow, and then take a break to check in.

As a new wife I find my role has slightly changed from maybe who i was 2 years ago. I am still defining this line, but am awakening to a new perspective daily by feeling the changes and openly embracing them, even if it is a solo journey to really define them.

Mexico wedding was literally a dream. The magical whirlwinds of that whole month swirled around us in complete ecstasy. I feel that being there brought the truth out in everyone who made the journey to arrive. Being in Mexico relates to the real parts of ourselves that lay within us. They are the parts that are covered with bouganvillas and sea salt. They are the parts that want to eat chicken roasting on an open fire and watch hammocks be woven by indigenious hands. They are the parts that once the dust settles within our hearts and within our minds, we fall in love with all the worlds simplicities all over again.

I can't even just call them memories. That words seems so distant to me as they are just fleeting thoughts that should be left in the past. Something from that trip still remains with us and no matter how much time fills in the gaps between us and that journey we are constantly growing and building off of that experience. For Chris and I, that was a massive undertaking that we created from the ground up with much adversity and doubt. For us, it was a dream given wings and a gathering to let everyone experience it with us on a growing and winding vine. Life is so uncertain and the rush is so constant that we all need a reason to feel vital again and to feel raw. To see your friends catching 30 second rides from the point as orange luminescence glows off our noses, to make endless taco creations in open aired kitchens, to fold 100 birds and string them only for them to knot and do it all over again while sitting in a bathing suit, to see your friends travel so many miles with their newborn babies to awaken together on the pacific coast, to go 40 mph over a tope and laugh so hard you could cry when you see goat guy walking down the beach. These are all moments in time that stick with you and truly change you, if only you keep the simplicity of it all close to your heart.

So it remains as we now live in the present and embrace our love and what we have manifested for ourselves day in and day out. We get into the grooves and weeks pass as we check our email, drive around, make dinners, worry, laugh, try not to cry, think about the things you have to do, and watch as it gets dark then light again. Time passes so quickly.
I am truly grateful to have someone to come home to and share this with. We have our own place and it is serene as we make it more our own. There is work to be done, no matter what our career choice or if it will be the same forever. Daily work is what we make of it and how we feel while we do it. I take with me this week prudence to know when to stop and just revel in the joy of the experience instead the worry of missing something or filling in the blanks with more. I am in love, I have amazing food to eat to make to concoct and I am showered with pulsing moments of joy to revel in.

As crazy as this world is, when you are living in it, ripe and in the moment, all you can do is just love it and care for it because these moments are all we have. So I will continue the 12 jobs, the parties, the hikes, the harvesting, the fitting it all in. Yet I will do so with a little more mexico slow it down flair this time around as I appreciate my lovely husband, our small cozy abode, and the little fox that we call Jesse that sits outside of our bedroom windows on slow mornings and licks his paws.

Stuff and what it means to us

I got a peugeot retro racing bike when I was a junior in college in St. Augustine. I sadly let my 'free spirit'- the beautiful raspberry retro townie I previously had- wish away in the backyard. uggh, I still regret that, she was a bute. Yet when you are 22, graduating college, breaking up with your long time boyfriend and heading west you go ahead and charge forward with a light load. Somehow I managed to pack the Peugeot though and happy as a cat I made that decision. I am pondering the sale of it as I go through my things as I know the hipsters in the west coast cities would treat her with much due respect and ride her with a sense of self identity which gives her the meaning of being a retro road bike after all these years.
I know what it means to say goodbye and to let go. It is never easy, but gets more gracious over time. Leaving any life behind requires diligence in shedding layers of our own idea of self identity.
Other things I gave away that Spring after college:

The Juice it- the ultimate machine in orange juice squeezing and with FL oranges in plenty, I was in heaven. I didn't think the juice it would be as happy in Colorado.
My brothers ramshackle porch paintings: I handed these down to art lovers by leaving them right where they were stapled to our porches walls. they may still be there under those oaks creating joy in peoples lives.
That orange swivel chair with foot rest: ooh la la....picture it: classic golden orange velvety swivel chair with matching foot rest. That thing came right from the 50's and was a real gem.

The list may go on, but why even think about it? I still manage to be living out of a suitcase time and again (as I am now-glad I kept that one though- circa 1940s brown hard case), and also have a storage unit that sits lonely, untamed, and confused of its identity down the road from me. Why do we always want stuff, but then that same stuff puts us in a mood like no other (escpecially when it doesn't have a place and is staring at you like a lost puppy dog wondering if you will soon drop it off at the pound, or the thrift store)? Everytime Chris and I go to those endless doors amongst the asphalt roadways of the effusive storage unit we find ourselves pestering then followed by a shedding of more random bits and bobs. A lovely chore indeed, but I am getting down to the point where I refuse to shed another inch of skin. I have what I want, what I need, what represents my past or what will represent my future and I crave a place to put those things neatly and orderly in their little spots.

I am growing up and seek a suitcase always ready to be packed, but a place to come home to when it all comes around that doesn't consist of a big heavy metal door behind a locked gate that lifts into a world of my life, my clutter, my reality all stuffed in and stacked about like hostages from my past.
Then I can rid, I can recycle, upcycle, make it myself, re invent it, regurgatate, re give it or just plain remember it whenever and however I want to. At least I will know where to find it, cause it will have a spot. And so will I.

....but on the other hand, if I woke up and everything disappeared, all the stuff, the clothes, the muck that sticks me to it....I wouldn't bat an eyelid, and would happily embrace freedom into new territory with less history.

Finding Place

Were back....! Just I am back, but I do have dueling personalities so I consider me a we.
Dropped out of blogging world for awhile there, but feeling compelled to write again. Changing seasons send us into new illustrations, visions, and thoughts. I am feeling a need to concentrate on these mindful illusions right now.
Chris and I picked up 3 weeks ago from our nice little happy home up in West Sopris Creek and packed it all up to throw ourselves in the car again for footloose moments of fancy free window seats. And that's what we had, we wheeled through the lonliest road in nevada (highlight- shoe tree see pic) out to Nor Cal for some adventures on a remote ranch on the Klamath River. I met some interesting folk up north and had a chance to check out the towering Shasta mountain and Shasta town. The landscape up there is full and rich with diversity in your every exploration. The energy and the vibe is very chill, relaxed and go with the flow- wonder why? I made the connection.

We met the trip south to San Fran with much excitement to get in some showers and energetic city time. After spending the whole Summer living in the woods up in our little cottage above Basalt I was ready for some city moving. We enjoyed our time traipsing around Berekely and the whole Bay area for a few days. We went to the Natural Science museum in Golden Gate Park which preceded to blow us away with biospheres of rainforests, aqauriums filled with glowing flowing fish, and a living roof overlooking the city. We were able to catch up with some friends while there and even got a day of cold cold cold surfing down in Pacifica. Brrrrr to the max.
I fell in love with the Bay area, like I tend to always do when I go there. And this weird part of me tells me to move there and apprentice with someone wonderfully San Franciscoan, like a nutritionist or an artist and join a dance class and make my own upcycled clothes. It all sounds sooooo San Fran and wildly colorful doesn't it?

Yet, the morning we left to head south we were both very ready since a deep fog was sitting on top of the town and pushing down on our hangovers. This girl needed ocean to swim in and soon. Driving on the main freeways in California proves to be extremely monotonous and, all and all annoying. You get a fist class glance at large scale agriculture all the way down the 5, complete with the smells and horrible poofs of smoke everywhere. Add on to that all the fast food chains you see at every exit and it really is enough to convince me to continue taking overseas adventures instead of the endless truck stop road trips in America. There are some beautiful places to see, but there are long arduous journies in between with no good food.

Newport Beach and San Diego provided the usual happiness with blooming jasmine, hibiscus, and succulants popping off every landscape and sunny waves cresting on every beach. We had some surf, hung with the newport family (always a favorite pastime), and did some yard projects in Brent's new contemporary very cool urbanite home. I can't wait to go back and see how all the vines and pathways that we planted and created evolve with time. The whole scene there is artistic and one of my highlights culture wise was a show at the contemporary art museum downtown called "Viva la Revolucion" http://www.mcasandiego.org/vivalarevolucion/ I also tried on some wedding dresses and loved the back of this one, yet the "one" hasn't found me yet, I thought I would share the delicacy of this one in a picture.

We took the journey east on Monday after one more slip in to the ocean. Living without the ocean proves to be difficult for me every time. I always wonder when I leave why I don't live closer, but I know the reasons exist and include not finding the right place just yet that exists on a right hand pointbreak, with a cute town, down to earth/conscious people, and mountains near by.

So I exist here, back in Colorado. Once again, no permenant home and in transition on where to live, how to commit and how to balance it all out. A new phase has approached Chris and I leading us to realize we want more permanence, more commitment by making bold decisions with the need to bring our ideas to fruition. I feel confident to move into this next phase of finding more permenance in my homelife, work and using my passions to create bountiful connections in one place. I am ready to build a life, even if it is from the ground up, I am currently embracing my need to commit and create a stability in this community and to use my creativity to customize this life to who I really am and to succeed at what I really want to do.... The different phases of life give me a chance to create ideas and be willing to give them breath.
Ahead: New business, wedding planning, a new home to settle in, creating deeper connections, and active/creative pursuits winter style.

Book Manifestos hoisting the sails

I spent close to 3 hours at the bookstore today. There is something about small homey bookstores that has always enamored me into an altered state of small town happiness. I have used amazon.com many times to buy books and find myself wandering aimlessly online for hours, reading reviews, trying to figure out if it is the book that will change the rest of my life. The cheaper route may seem more user friendly, but I feel like crap after 3 hours of "browsing". Small bookstores creek when you walk into them. The walls are full of deep mahogany colored bookshelves and the binds sit there perfectly resting in their places colorful and molding into the walls. I scan the aisles for a color, a word, a instinct of some sort that will send me the book. I pick it up. It feels soft to the touch and usually gives off an unyielding sense of what it is about before I even can turn it over. I officially get lost. Only the ring of the bell hanging on the front door startles me with a close behind, "hello, how are you" phrase thrown out by the easygoing literary graduate calmly sitting behind the check out counter. Small conversations ensue, talk of local happenings, book talk, shit talk, then someone orders a latte over in the coffee corner and they are on their way to book heaven.

When I was about 16 and first started driving I came upon a used bookstore in the town I grew up in. It looked like a shack off another building and behind some other bigger building. It had corrugated iron walls and looked like it may just fall over if you took too many books off one of the shelves. At that age it was the first bookstore that literally consumed me for hours. I remember buying "The Re-Enchantment of Everyday Life" there and feeling like I had a key to a lost door somewhere after that. It became a haven for me to escape home, friends, cars.....until one day it disappeared. Eventually the big box bookstores came in and swiped all those little guys right up. I can't even remember now where that store was or what it even looked like. It is almost as if it was just a fragment in my mind of a time and place that I can visualize the experience of, but have no idea the exact location.

I showed up at the townseller bookstore in Basalt last year the day they were closing. I was in shock and still drive by that spot and mourn its loss and the taking of town vitality with it.

So I try to keep the feel alive by buying books local. I am very pleased with the fact that in 1 week I will have an unmeasurable amount of freetime to lay in a hammock and read books. For me, this is a beautiful thing after many months where the activity of reading a book came not enough and when it did come the words all mashed together as I thought of what I was going to do the next day in the back of my head. After 3 pages I realized I wasnt paying attention then immediately after that it was time for sleep.
So here is what I picked up:

"The Thing about Life is that one Day you'll be Dead" -David Shields-biography, philosophy, biological science, culture- Basically the writers journey of seeing his father dying and analyzing what it means to be alive through not only philosophical and psychological avenues but also through scientific ones

"Blessed Unrest" - Paul Hawken - About groups, individuals, organizations that are working towards making positive changes in social movement, environmental issues and overall global justice

"Exuberance- The Passion for Life" Kay Redfield Jamison- A book about the human spirit and the power of exuberance- lots of awards, I love the word exuberance and always think we all need a little more, so why not?


"A Fraction of the Whole"- Steve Toltz- A nice long funny fiction about family, some crazy travel, love ambition. Always nice to have a long fiction for the long peaceful nights by candlelight in the beach shack travels

I want to pick up a Tom Robbins book as well. I miss his literary exuberance and his knack for metaphors that shake the earth on my axis. Not sure what I will bring yet but hope they all include a concoction of inspiration, audacity, mediation, sex, grace, mortality, knowledge, and some little twinges of itty bitty book worm laughter.

Free at last, again, and not for the last time

Change is upon us. Up up and away into the spring we go. Tomorrow I will look out the window and the ski lifts will not be moving anymore. Shut down. Season change, energy change, priority change. It all keeps me on my toes and I think that is why I like it here in this area of constant movement and shifting energies.

And then off I go, to a new surrounding. There is such excitement bubbling for my up coming surf trip to Mexico that I could potentially explode into small pieces and disperse everywhere. There is something about adventure that has been calling me lately. I need sporadic decisions, spontaneous combustion, culminatiing culture, unknown enclaves. I am turning into my father in many respects when it comes to needing freedom and creating a lifestyle that includes instinctive turns into faraway places. I know that surfing is calling after me. Surfing brings a certain confidence to my life, a certain cleansing sensation, a certain tone of strength that I crave again to have in accomplishing any current and future endeavors. I love what it has always given me. Surfing made me who I am . It was my first adventure.

The trailer for this movie brings me back to the mentality I spent much of my later high school and early college years dreaming about.....
http://vimeo.com/5936526
Is there something missing? Do I live this life? But do I feel still caught up in what I should be doing all of the time? I am living this life in a way, but I do think lately as I grow older and more into myself I am figuring out step by step in which direction my energy should flow. I can make it work. All the pieces, career, family, travel, home, they can all come together. Something in me has always known that I can balance these things in a way of beauty. I am working on it, without having to "work" or "think about it all too much.

Time to be free again. My things will soon all be in a dark room with a lock on it sitting there smelling the poop from the nearby cow fields. I will be with one backpack, no cell service, a surfboard bag and some sunglasses. Can't friggin wait for the freedom. I have always been good at being free. Something I have always strived to be a professional in.

I do think we all have our own distinctive ways of dealing with life decisions. You look back in history and you see the difference in peoples needs and the way that these characteristics were passed down through the generations. There are the explorers, the shackeltons (the treacherous journey south into rugged waters), the captain cooks(the desire to explore far away lost lands and islands even if the natives threw spears at him upon arrival), the general Powells (the first trip down the Grand Canyon just to document its outcome in the most precarirous style wooden boat for rapids so fierce that they cant even be classified), the roz savages (courageous woman rowing over the Pacific and the Atlantic in hopes of giving the greater public awareness of climate change). The list goes on an on. The ones who take a risk, the ones whose conviction becomes stronger then their need for comfort, the individuals that seek new horizons and who discover new worlds weather inside or out of themselves. There area also the people who are more along the lines of settlers or homesteaders. When the first colonial peoples set west from the east coast a century ago or so they headed into open country, a new space. There is a certain attitude and mindset that comes with taking this leap of faith. There is also a respectable mindset for staying back, staying comfortable, building a homestead, caring for children, building a life in one place.

These 2 types may exist in all of us, but one just may predominantly overcomes the other. Lately adventurers inspire me to do something with a wider spectrum of spontaneous outcomes and to find a greater good to support. The homestead can still be there, but the adventure is what currently calls.

It is nice when you let go with minimal belongings and don't let your stuff consume you or define you for that matter. I am ready for that. I am also ready for time away from the phones, the computers, the scheduling, the efficiency of daily life. I am pretty good at efficiency and scheduling, commuinicating, and staying up with all of it. Yet I do feel in our current times that we are overly stimulated by all of this and that keeping up with it at a constant rate is literally exhausting and counter intuitive. We all need a little time to reflect and new surroundings help that for me.

I feel very happy right now. Like I am in the right place. I have worked hard and saved some money, now I am off to surf and feel sun on my body all day, only to be followed by a summer out in the rocky mountains. There are always challenges in our future, there are always anticipated fears, but they subside in just one breath when you are in the right mood. I am un certain of where i will live but know that the right place will come. We will walk up on it and the feeling will over come us. We will just know. Like any adventurer would when finding there new land. And of course there is always another one right around the corner. But every adventurer needs a tree house to settle in between journies to use all the skills and thoughts that they have learned and to record them into a piece of earth. I see a home with big view, creative energizing space, a garden in the works, a happy kitchen to cook in, a place to build and use tools, and stimulated people to live with. All while working at the summer camp with my favorite age group of kids learning together, riding pedicabs around town, taking long hikes next to rivers and fluttering Aspen trees, and having dinner parties with close friends, my parents, and my lova.

Everything is as it should be. Everyday is an adventure.

Life is black and white

Tonight I babysat a fabulous little tyke, ate the best kale salad I have ever had, stared down pieces of indispersed art in a cutish small victorian on the east side of Aspen, looked at fashion magazines, and fell into someone elses world for a few hours. I enjoy all of my random jobs and the people I get to meet in my many lives. I peek into others lives and see myself living them in different stages of my own time here on earth. We are all so elusive and the fun lies in the little style we carry around in our souls and present in our movements and expressive choices. So fun.

Driving home tonight I almost mis took the houses perched way up in the air as stars. I eventually sharpened my eye (arrggg, pirate eye) & witnessed the line of the mountains subtly cutting through the black edges seperating the land and the moons palace above it. I live in a little town creviced between 3d landmasses that sit in heavy solitude around me. I forget this fact when i am sandwiched in this little world but am awakened by it time and again. I love that open space surrounds me but am taken back that my life and where I take myself in this open space can remain so small when I remain on only familiar routes. It is easy to forget to get off the beaten track and explore something right around the corner. There are so many corners to turn arent there?

Now cozy in the bed with sheets crumbled around my body I relent to the day. So many different things penetrate my life right now. Real jobs, side businesses, personal needs, other peoples projects that I have been assigned to, my own need for more creativity and personal expression within it. Balance is key right now. So is peace of mind. And I know that something is missing.
Sometimes I wish life was just like black and white postcards. They ooze a sense of frivolousness and carefree seconds that happen that just when we seem to be ignoring them. These moments are captured in an unstrained light when put in black and white. Life is full of raw emotion in these photos. An affect that moves through my body like a full on frieght train running down from my throat to my heart to my belly bewildering every part in between occurs. Yet these unfaltered emotions dont feel heavy or condescending. They feel real and freeing. They make me smile in comfort that simplicity (with unassembled fashionable undertones), that romance (and eyes full of gracious adornment) , that spontaneaity (without too much thinking), chance encounters (no cell service), and naked honesty really do still exist.

When I was 13 my friend Tiffany and I would ride bikes up to the bookstore near her house and turn the racks of such beautiful pieces of art. The rack would spin and spin like a petite ballerina that I had complete control of, and each time I saw a postcard come around it was like I saw it again, but for the first time. The rest of the bookstore was a blur. I was in focus. And that is what such timeless photos can do, give you a chance to always start over and to find what you want to be in focus.