E's shenanigans

Newport

2011-11-09T22:05:00.000-08:00

Reading into my escape. I take some time to update my mind on what really has been occurring that makes me feel this real. The simple gestures that give me release are catapulting in front of me. Long bike rides where the breeze glides through my salted hair, the simple look that Vivi gives me when the rollerblader in spandex goes by, the puddle that I fall into, the football that Tommy threw to me halfway across Plaza del norte and the grumpy neighbor that was jealous that we were in the middle of the street laughing too hard, the ankle high wave that I aggressively body moved while standing the whole way down the white water, the drowsy eyes that closed while I read the Sandman with an 8 year old. The fresh pacific fish that I marinated and which melted in my mouth, the roar of a wagoneer rolling down pacific highway, the silent neighborhood that remembers me like our time never ended, the long beach that I step my foot on and free my soul, my cousin who inspires me to enjoy, live, laugh, and eventually, be a loving parent and inspiring mentor. The life that I am meant to live. I am in it. When I get home and I am cozy in my small nook with the snow pedaling and subtlely dressing the outside of my window I will remember the feel of a barefoot walk to an empty beach, the plummet of my soul into an ocean, the smell of my hair after a long day of breeze, and the love of my cousins cozied up in Newport eating italian food, playing in the street, doing their homework and singing in the shower.

Art and how to begin

2011-10-17T14:44:00.000-07:00

Standing on the edge of every possibility that a woman could ever dream of. There is no end, there is no beginning. There is only what is in between which is up to me to create, manifest, participate in and progress within. My life is delicate right now, raw and always new. I feel within my body. Ready to instigate myself to do things and to live a life that feels brand new all while staying in the same place for awhile, mentally and physically.

The urge to create can be subtle or it can be strong. It may have been a source within me that finally woke up from a blessed slumber that sees that this urge has been penetrating me for awhile. May I take even the smallest steps to let this slumber turn into a slumber party with all of my best friends, some tools and parties of contagious ridiculous laughter . Realizing that there is no right or wrong way within your process. Nor is there necessarilly inspiration. Twyla Tharp tells us that art is less a form of our minds eye but more a formation of habit. Pick up your medium and create. Clear the clutter from your mind and dive in like the pool is a giant reflection of the sky and you are swimming in its endlessness. The more you indulge in the process the more things grow. May we all find room and time to cultivate these parts of us to grow.

Love, Fall, Leotards and the burn

2011-10-10T19:52:00.000-07:00

Burning Man: The most epic group experience I have ever experienced. Want to change your life or the way you look at life or the way you look at humans? Need a dose of positive change, a creative upheavel of non propaganda, a gathering that consists of anything and everything including every type of person you could ever imagine?
Burning Man

Fit4Real- 2nd place at the Nepsa awards- hell yes.

Leotards, girlfriends, ambition, Aspen, Gucci, Jane Fonda wannabees, Jacqui Edgerly, skiing? What else could you want in a short film? Nothing.

http://vimeo.com/29298382

Bundles of bounty in Midsummers Dream

2011-07-19T19:26:00.000-07:00

MMMMMM, this week so far has consisted of wild stinging nettle pesto whirring in my mini blender, wearing a Jane Fonda leotard with 3 friends while running up the circa 1970 par course, bike rides, rafting in laughter down the roaring fork, emotionally being attached to the womens U.S. Soccer teams loss, and getting lost in late night dance sessions twice at Belly Up. In the swing of the a thing called Summer.

This brings me to this weeks favorite things: nutty pesto with fresh raw cheese (mmm, and ginger rhubarb pancakes?) Or the wild Arnica growing outside my house asking for a harvest and medley making.
The leotards that Lula found in a random Snowmass closet and confiscated for our use of re creating the work out video (stay posted)
Hard rains in the afternoon Flowers in full bloom
Finally being where I am and seeing its bounty all over me workwise and funwise.

Summer is all around me and I want to eat it with a fork. Between the jobs and the phone calls and the emails and the bundles being delivered to innocent happy people there is a little smidgen of time to watch the clouds to roll by.
I fit in the little projects when I find time to pull myself from the lure of outside activities before dusk overcomes and sleepiness succumbs. Starting to think about jewlery projects, the loitering thank you letters still left, writing more and more ( this penetrates my brain constantly), and last but not least......brrrrrruuummmmm....drum roll.......!!!!......thats right, Burning Man Costumes. All creative projects need to be focused on a little thing called end of August Rite of Passage journey to the desert with 40,000 other random people. There we will solve all of the world problems for a week.

What kind of costumes do I want to manifest for Burning Man? I am thinking that my Rite of Passage is into becoming a woman and the style I see is glamourous vintage Monaco France boho shiek meets edgy Mad Max desert wanderer. I see it now. Flowy, sexy fabrics, dresses, scarves, sharp lines, confident, rugged, ready. For anything.

Let the nights carry me away. Hope where everyone is becomes everything they want. I miss every corner of the earth and every person who I know when I am happy and wish them every bit of their summer's dream comes to them in a bundle.

Swells pursuing the Colorado shore pulsing with purpose

2011-06-26T18:56:00.000-07:00

I just went outside during the dusk glare and harvested some dandelion in a mini red and white striped dress with no underwear on. It was a summer moment and I look forward to the tea that will cleanse my internals and flush for a new chapter. Taken to a hault this morning by extreme exhaustion I have taken the day to evaluate my present stance. The day has given me that chance to stop, observe and create meaning around the towers that are falling down around me and allow me to view what it is time to make room for.

So the blog allows these words to be more then mumbles in my head. Documentation continuation so that happenings in this life can make a little more sense then just being a small fiction of history.

Ahh, well, lets start with the Colorado summer. Where the sunlight stays on us till 9 and the energy of the mountain town pulses and beats all around us. Clouds only make brief and un memorable appearances as we move with the light in search of more play, more work, and more social extravaganzas.

My schedule is once again a smorgasboard of jobs that can be a whirlwind to keep track of. Between slinging bundles with Megan as self marketeers to promote buying local, maintaining people's flowers, managing and maintaining the property we live on, helping Chris keep those pedicabs rolling, nannying peoples children, doing event work setting up classy parties and delivering boxes of organic veggies and fruits from Jack's side street market from a alley right in the middle of town I am zipping around like a bee to honey all over Aspen. Then there are the social movements. I have thrown more parties in this last year then all of my friends combined. There is this secret woman in me that wants these themed classy little shindigs with all the pieces fitting together. Fun? yes. Exhausting? Totally.

Why is it that we thrive off the constant activity only to eventually hit the wall running? Instead of having to be on one end of the extreme or the other I am now striving to find a daily balance within this schedule of mayhem to come back to myself, who I am, what I feel and what I need. I witness the degradation of my health and my state of mind when I am on the constant move of how to make everyone happy or how to make my bank account happy. It could just be that as I have approached 30 there is a slight priority change in how to fill the hours of my day and a subtle decrease in urgency to 'do it all'. Take in a deep breath, move in the flow, and then take a break to check in.

As a new wife I find my role has slightly changed from maybe who i was 2 years ago. I am still defining this line, but am awakening to a new perspective daily by feeling the changes and openly embracing them, even if it is a solo journey to really define them.

Mexico wedding was literally a dream. The magical whirlwinds of that whole month swirled around us in complete ecstasy. I feel that being there brought the truth out in everyone who made the journey to arrive. Being in Mexico relates to the real parts of ourselves that lay within us. They are the parts that are covered with bouganvillas and sea salt. They are the parts that want to eat chicken roasting on an open fire and watch hammocks be woven by indigenious hands. They are the parts that once the dust settles within our hearts and within our minds, we fall in love with all the worlds simplicities all over again.

I can't even just call them memories. That words seems so distant to me as they are just fleeting thoughts that should be left in the past. Something from that trip still remains with us and no matter how much time fills in the gaps between us and that journey we are constantly growing and building off of that experience. For Chris and I, that was a massive undertaking that we created from the ground up with much adversity and doubt. For us, it was a dream given wings and a gathering to let everyone experience it with us on a growing and winding vine. Life is so uncertain and the rush is so constant that we all need a reason to feel vital again and to feel raw. To see your friends catching 30 second rides from the point as orange luminescence glows off our noses, to make endless taco creations in open aired kitchens, to fold 100 birds and string them only for them to knot and do it all over again while sitting in a bathing suit, to see your friends travel so many miles with their newborn babies to awaken together on the pacific coast, to go 40 mph over a tope and laugh so hard you could cry when you see goat guy walking down the beach. These are all moments in time that stick with you and truly change you, if only you keep the simplicity of it all close to your heart.

So it remains as we now live in the present and embrace our love and what we have manifested for ourselves day in and day out. We get into the grooves and weeks pass as we check our email, drive around, make dinners, worry, laugh, try not to cry, think about the things you have to do, and watch as it gets dark then light again. Time passes so quickly.
I am truly grateful to have someone to come home to and share this with. We have our own place and it is serene as we make it more our own. There is work to be done, no matter what our career choice or if it will be the same forever. Daily work is what we make of it and how we feel while we do it. I take with me this week prudence to know when to stop and just revel in the joy of the experience instead the worry of missing something or filling in the blanks with more. I am in love, I have amazing food to eat to make to concoct and I am showered with pulsing moments of joy to revel in.

As crazy as this world is, when you are living in it, ripe and in the moment, all you can do is just love it and care for it because these moments are all we have. So I will continue the 12 jobs, the parties, the hikes, the harvesting, the fitting it all in. Yet I will do so with a little more mexico slow it down flair this time around as I appreciate my lovely husband, our small cozy abode, and the little fox that we call Jesse that sits outside of our bedroom windows on slow mornings and licks his paws.

Stuff and what it means to us

2010-11-07T22:05:00.000-08:00

I got a peugeot retro racing bike when I was a junior in college in St. Augustine. I sadly let my 'free spirit'- the beautiful raspberry retro townie I previously had- wish away in the backyard. uggh, I still regret that, she was a bute. Yet when you are 22, graduating college, breaking up with your long time boyfriend and heading west you go ahead and charge forward with a light load. Somehow I managed to pack the Peugeot though and happy as a cat I made that decision. I am pondering the sale of it as I go through my things as I know the hipsters in the west coast cities would treat her with much due respect and ride her with a sense of self identity which gives her the meaning of being a retro road bike after all these years.
I know what it means to say goodbye and to let go. It is never easy, but gets more gracious over time. Leaving any life behind requires diligence in shedding layers of our own idea of self identity.
Other things I gave away that Spring after college:

The Juice it- the ultimate machine in orange juice squeezing and with FL oranges in plenty, I was in heaven. I didn't think the juice it would be as happy in Colorado.
My brothers ramshackle porch paintings: I handed these down to art lovers by leaving them right where they were stapled to our porches walls. they may still be there under those oaks creating joy in peoples lives.
That orange swivel chair with foot rest: ooh la la....picture it: classic golden orange velvety swivel chair with matching foot rest. That thing came right from the 50's and was a real gem.

The list may go on, but why even think about it? I still manage to be living out of a suitcase time and again (as I am now-glad I kept that one though- circa 1940s brown hard case), and also have a storage unit that sits lonely, untamed, and confused of its identity down the road from me. Why do we always want stuff, but then that same stuff puts us in a mood like no other (escpecially when it doesn't have a place and is staring at you like a lost puppy dog wondering if you will soon drop it off at the pound, or the thrift store)? Everytime Chris and I go to those endless doors amongst the asphalt roadways of the effusive storage unit we find ourselves pestering then followed by a shedding of more random bits and bobs. A lovely chore indeed, but I am getting down to the point where I refuse to shed another inch of skin. I have what I want, what I need, what represents my past or what will represent my future and I crave a place to put those things neatly and orderly in their little spots.

I am growing up and seek a suitcase always ready to be packed, but a place to come home to when it all comes around that doesn't consist of a big heavy metal door behind a locked gate that lifts into a world of my life, my clutter, my reality all stuffed in and stacked about like hostages from my past.
Then I can rid, I can recycle, upcycle, make it myself, re invent it, regurgatate, re give it or just plain remember it whenever and however I want to. At least I will know where to find it, cause it will have a spot. And so will I.

....but on the other hand, if I woke up and everything disappeared, all the stuff, the clothes, the muck that sticks me to it....I wouldn't bat an eyelid, and would happily embrace freedom into new territory with less history.

Finding Place

2010-11-03T17:13:00.000-07:00

Were back....! Just I am back, but I do have dueling personalities so I consider me a we.
Dropped out of blogging world for awhile there, but feeling compelled to write again. Changing seasons send us into new illustrations, visions, and thoughts. I am feeling a need to concentrate on these mindful illusions right now.
Chris and I picked up 3 weeks ago from our nice little happy home up in West Sopris Creek and packed it all up to throw ourselves in the car again for footloose moments of fancy free window seats. And that's what we had, we wheeled through the lonliest road in nevada (highlight- shoe tree see pic) out to Nor Cal for some adventures on a remote ranch on the Klamath River. I met some interesting folk up north and had a chance to check out the towering Shasta mountain and Shasta town. The landscape up there is full and rich with diversity in your every exploration. The energy and the vibe is very chill, relaxed and go with the flow- wonder why? I made the connection.

We met the trip south to San Fran with much excitement to get in some showers and energetic city time. After spending the whole Summer living in the woods up in our little cottage above Basalt I was ready for some city moving. We enjoyed our time traipsing around Berekely and the whole Bay area for a few days. We went to the Natural Science museum in Golden Gate Park which preceded to blow us away with biospheres of rainforests, aqauriums filled with glowing flowing fish, and a living roof overlooking the city. We were able to catch up with some friends while there and even got a day of cold cold cold surfing down in Pacifica. Brrrrr to the max.
I fell in love with the Bay area, like I tend to always do when I go there. And this weird part of me tells me to move there and apprentice with someone wonderfully San Franciscoan, like a nutritionist or an artist and join a dance class and make my own upcycled clothes. It all sounds sooooo San Fran and wildly colorful doesn't it?

Yet, the morning we left to head south we were both very ready since a deep fog was sitting on top of the town and pushing down on our hangovers. This girl needed ocean to swim in and soon. Driving on the main freeways in California proves to be extremely monotonous and, all and all annoying. You get a fist class glance at large scale agriculture all the way down the 5, complete with the smells and horrible poofs of smoke everywhere. Add on to that all the fast food chains you see at every exit and it really is enough to convince me to continue taking overseas adventures instead of the endless truck stop road trips in America. There are some beautiful places to see, but there are long arduous journies in between with no good food.

Newport Beach and San Diego provided the usual happiness with blooming jasmine, hibiscus, and succulants popping off every landscape and sunny waves cresting on every beach. We had some surf, hung with the newport family (always a favorite pastime), and did some yard projects in Brent's new contemporary very cool urbanite home. I can't wait to go back and see how all the vines and pathways that we planted and created evolve with time. The whole scene there is artistic and one of my highlights culture wise was a show at the contemporary art museum downtown called "Viva la Revolucion" http://www.mcasandiego.org/vivalarevolucion/ I also tried on some wedding dresses and loved the back of this one, yet the "one" hasn't found me yet, I thought I would share the delicacy of this one in a picture.

We took the journey east on Monday after one more slip in to the ocean. Living without the ocean proves to be difficult for me every time. I always wonder when I leave why I don't live closer, but I know the reasons exist and include not finding the right place just yet that exists on a right hand pointbreak, with a cute town, down to earth/conscious people, and mountains near by.

So I exist here, back in Colorado. Once again, no permenant home and in transition on where to live, how to commit and how to balance it all out. A new phase has approached Chris and I leading us to realize we want more permanence, more commitment by making bold decisions with the need to bring our ideas to fruition. I feel confident to move into this next phase of finding more permenance in my homelife, work and using my passions to create bountiful connections in one place. I am ready to build a life, even if it is from the ground up, I am currently embracing my need to commit and create a stability in this community and to use my creativity to customize this life to who I really am and to succeed at what I really want to do.... The different phases of life give me a chance to create ideas and be willing to give them breath.
Ahead: New business, wedding planning, a new home to settle in, creating deeper connections, and active/creative pursuits winter style.

Book Manifestos hoisting the sails

2010-04-15T23:27:00.001-07:00

I spent close to 3 hours at the bookstore today. There is something about small homey bookstores that has always enamored me into an altered state of small town happiness. I have used amazon.com many times to buy books and find myself wandering aimlessly online for hours, reading reviews, trying to figure out if it is the book that will change the rest of my life. The cheaper route may seem more user friendly, but I feel like crap after 3 hours of "browsing". Small bookstores creek when you walk into them. The walls are full of deep mahogany colored bookshelves and the binds sit there perfectly resting in their places colorful and molding into the walls. I scan the aisles for a color, a word, a instinct of some sort that will send me the book. I pick it up. It feels soft to the touch and usually gives off an unyielding sense of what it is about before I even can turn it over. I officially get lost. Only the ring of the bell hanging on the front door startles me with a close behind, "hello, how are you" phrase thrown out by the easygoing literary graduate calmly sitting behind the check out counter. Small conversations ensue, talk of local happenings, book talk, shit talk, then someone orders a latte over in the coffee corner and they are on their way to book heaven.

When I was about 16 and first started driving I came upon a used bookstore in the town I grew up in. It looked like a shack off another building and behind some other bigger building. It had corrugated iron walls and looked like it may just fall over if you took too many books off one of the shelves. At that age it was the first bookstore that literally consumed me for hours. I remember buying "The Re-Enchantment of Everyday Life" there and feeling like I had a key to a lost door somewhere after that. It became a haven for me to escape home, friends, cars.....until one day it disappeared. Eventually the big box bookstores came in and swiped all those little guys right up. I can't even remember now where that store was or what it even looked like. It is almost as if it was just a fragment in my mind of a time and place that I can visualize the experience of, but have no idea the exact location.

I showed up at the townseller bookstore in Basalt last year the day they were closing. I was in shock and still drive by that spot and mourn its loss and the taking of town vitality with it.

So I try to keep the feel alive by buying books local. I am very pleased with the fact that in 1 week I will have an unmeasurable amount of freetime to lay in a hammock and read books. For me, this is a beautiful thing after many months where the activity of reading a book came not enough and when it did come the words all mashed together as I thought of what I was going to do the next day in the back of my head. After 3 pages I realized I wasnt paying attention then immediately after that it was time for sleep.
So here is what I picked up:

"The Thing about Life is that one Day you'll be Dead" -David Shields-biography, philosophy, biological science, culture- Basically the writers journey of seeing his father dying and analyzing what it means to be alive through not only philosophical and psychological avenues but also through scientific ones

"Blessed Unrest" - Paul Hawken - About groups, individuals, organizations that are working towards making positive changes in social movement, environmental issues and overall global justice

"Exuberance- The Passion for Life" Kay Redfield Jamison- A book about the human spirit and the power of exuberance- lots of awards, I love the word exuberance and always think we all need a little more, so why not?

"A Fraction of the Whole"- Steve Toltz- A nice long funny fiction about family, some crazy travel, love ambition. Always nice to have a long fiction for the long peaceful nights by candlelight in the beach shack travels

I want to pick up a Tom Robbins book as well. I miss his literary exuberance and his knack for metaphors that shake the earth on my axis. Not sure what I will bring yet but hope they all include a concoction of inspiration, audacity, mediation, sex, grace, mortality, knowledge, and some little twinges of itty bitty book worm laughter.

Free at last, again, and not for the last time

2010-04-10T22:06:00.000-07:00

Change is upon us. Up up and away into the spring we go. Tomorrow I will look out the window and the ski lifts will not be moving anymore. Shut down. Season change, energy change, priority change. It all keeps me on my toes and I think that is why I like it here in this area of constant movement and shifting energies.

And then off I go, to a new surrounding. There is such excitement bubbling for my up coming surf trip to Mexico that I could potentially explode into small pieces and disperse everywhere. There is something about adventure that has been calling me lately. I need sporadic decisions, spontaneous combustion, culminatiing culture, unknown enclaves. I am turning into my father in many respects when it comes to needing freedom and creating a lifestyle that includes instinctive turns into faraway places. I know that surfing is calling after me. Surfing brings a certain confidence to my life, a certain cleansing sensation, a certain tone of strength that I crave again to have in accomplishing any current and future endeavors. I love what it has always given me. Surfing made me who I am . It was my first adventure.

The trailer for this movie brings me back to the mentality I spent much of my later high school and early college years dreaming about.....
http://vimeo.com/5936526
Is there something missing? Do I live this life? But do I feel still caught up in what I should be doing all of the time? I am living this life in a way, but I do think lately as I grow older and more into myself I am figuring out step by step in which direction my energy should flow. I can make it work. All the pieces, career, family, travel, home, they can all come together. Something in me has always known that I can balance these things in a way of beauty. I am working on it, without having to "work" or "think about it all too much.

Time to be free again. My things will soon all be in a dark room with a lock on it sitting there smelling the poop from the nearby cow fields. I will be with one backpack, no cell service, a surfboard bag and some sunglasses. Can't friggin wait for the freedom. I have always been good at being free. Something I have always strived to be a professional in.

I do think we all have our own distinctive ways of dealing with life decisions. You look back in history and you see the difference in peoples needs and the way that these characteristics were passed down through the generations. There are the explorers, the shackeltons (the treacherous journey south into rugged waters), the captain cooks(the desire to explore far away lost lands and islands even if the natives threw spears at him upon arrival), the general Powells (the first trip down the Grand Canyon just to document its outcome in the most precarirous style wooden boat for rapids so fierce that they cant even be classified), the roz savages (courageous woman rowing over the Pacific and the Atlantic in hopes of giving the greater public awareness of climate change). The list goes on an on. The ones who take a risk, the ones whose conviction becomes stronger then their need for comfort, the individuals that seek new horizons and who discover new worlds weather inside or out of themselves. There area also the people who are more along the lines of settlers or homesteaders. When the first colonial peoples set west from the east coast a century ago or so they headed into open country, a new space. There is a certain attitude and mindset that comes with taking this leap of faith. There is also a respectable mindset for staying back, staying comfortable, building a homestead, caring for children, building a life in one place.

These 2 types may exist in all of us, but one just may predominantly overcomes the other. Lately adventurers inspire me to do something with a wider spectrum of spontaneous outcomes and to find a greater good to support. The homestead can still be there, but the adventure is what currently calls.

It is nice when you let go with minimal belongings and don't let your stuff consume you or define you for that matter. I am ready for that. I am also ready for time away from the phones, the computers, the scheduling, the efficiency of daily life. I am pretty good at efficiency and scheduling, commuinicating, and staying up with all of it. Yet I do feel in our current times that we are overly stimulated by all of this and that keeping up with it at a constant rate is literally exhausting and counter intuitive. We all need a little time to reflect and new surroundings help that for me.

I feel very happy right now. Like I am in the right place. I have worked hard and saved some money, now I am off to surf and feel sun on my body all day, only to be followed by a summer out in the rocky mountains. There are always challenges in our future, there are always anticipated fears, but they subside in just one breath when you are in the right mood. I am un certain of where i will live but know that the right place will come. We will walk up on it and the feeling will over come us. We will just know. Like any adventurer would when finding there new land. And of course there is always another one right around the corner. But every adventurer needs a tree house to settle in between journies to use all the skills and thoughts that they have learned and to record them into a piece of earth. I see a home with big view, creative energizing space, a garden in the works, a happy kitchen to cook in, a place to build and use tools, and stimulated people to live with. All while working at the summer camp with my favorite age group of kids learning together, riding pedicabs around town, taking long hikes next to rivers and fluttering Aspen trees, and having dinner parties with close friends, my parents, and my lova.

Everything is as it should be. Everyday is an adventure.

Life is black and white

2010-03-06T22:14:00.000-08:00

Tonight I babysat a fabulous little tyke, ate the best kale salad I have ever had, stared down pieces of indispersed art in a cutish small victorian on the east side of Aspen, looked at fashion magazines, and fell into someone elses world for a few hours. I enjoy all of my random jobs and the people I get to meet in my many lives. I peek into others lives and see myself living them in different stages of my own time here on earth. We are all so elusive and the fun lies in the little style we carry around in our souls and present in our movements and expressive choices. So fun.

Driving home tonight I almost mis took the houses perched way up in the air as stars. I eventually sharpened my eye (arrggg, pirate eye) & witnessed the line of the mountains subtly cutting through the black edges seperating the land and the moons palace above it. I live in a little town creviced between 3d landmasses that sit in heavy solitude around me. I forget this fact when i am sandwiched in this little world but am awakened by it time and again. I love that open space surrounds me but am taken back that my life and where I take myself in this open space can remain so small when I remain on only familiar routes. It is easy to forget to get off the beaten track and explore something right around the corner. There are so many corners to turn arent there?

Now cozy in the bed with sheets crumbled around my body I relent to the day. So many different things penetrate my life right now. Real jobs, side businesses, personal needs, other peoples projects that I have been assigned to, my own need for more creativity and personal expression within it. Balance is key right now. So is peace of mind. And I know that something is missing.
Sometimes I wish life was just like black and white postcards. They ooze a sense of frivolousness and carefree seconds that happen that just when we seem to be ignoring them. These moments are captured in an unstrained light when put in black and white. Life is full of raw emotion in these photos. An affect that moves through my body like a full on frieght train running down from my throat to my heart to my belly bewildering every part in between occurs. Yet these unfaltered emotions dont feel heavy or condescending. They feel real and freeing. They make me smile in comfort that simplicity (with unassembled fashionable undertones), that romance (and eyes full of gracious adornment) , that spontaneaity (without too much thinking), chance encounters (no cell service), and naked honesty really do still exist.

When I was 13 my friend Tiffany and I would ride bikes up to the bookstore near her house and turn the racks of such beautiful pieces of art. The rack would spin and spin like a petite ballerina that I had complete control of, and each time I saw a postcard come around it was like I saw it again, but for the first time. The rest of the bookstore was a blur. I was in focus. And that is what such timeless photos can do, give you a chance to always start over and to find what you want to be in focus.

Respect for the lives that we live

2010-02-26T09:42:00.000-08:00

I don't know how it has been so long since an update. Some things you must treat like a job I guess. Anything that you plan to incorporate in your life on a regular basis must have some reference to an activity that is incorporated into you life already...hence a job. Something we do every week without blinking cause you know you have to. That is how I wish I could treat yoga, jewelery making, crocheting, natural energy bar making, working out, getting better at skiing, gardening, documenting, writing, Local Spokes developing, reading...you get the picture. I do all this stuff and love it, but the gaps of time between the actions get too big. We all have outer passions that we want to create into more full time gigs. one day we all will have our lives figured out. Or maybe not.
Just wanted to add in a small update. February has been glorious in Colorado. It started with a hut trip up to the Fritz hut about 6 miles from Aspen. The hike out there took about 3 or 4 hours. I used my split board for the first time and I glided along through the Aspens and Firs in isolated perpetual happiness. Speedy one and speedy 2 (Chris and Talbott lost me pretty fast) so it was just my music, my heavy backpack and I cruising along. With the skies opening and the views of Aspen town left behind it truly was one of those days where you feel actively happy. The night continued with endless exhaustive laughter in the hut. It felt so good to be in a space build by hand deep in the woods perched on a mountain with 360 views. It made me realize even more that I need to build again and live in a space of that sort.
The month continued with with a perfect Mardi Gras day and more ridiculous laughter and behavior, a Local Spokes meeting (we are getting pumped up on our pedicab operations this summer- more on that soon!), metal work class at the college (made some wave earrings) and just a more relaxed tone then the partying that took place in January. Chris brought home 1st place from his tele competition out in Tahoe. Needless to say , he is stoked. Jumping off cliffs on skis and landing those jumps can get you that way. Then to finally bring winter into the mix last weekend we recieved 3 feet of snow up in Aspen and snowmass. Thank the gods for that one. It was an incredible 3 days. I remembered again why I love snowboarding as I swiftly cruised down the mountain floating on clouds the whole time. What a blessing that action can be for ones mind.

And now here I am out in California on a mini trip for my Uncle Tim's memorial. A bittersweet break from the winter you could say. Tim was a classic uncle. Always loved when I stopped by as I have cruised through southern california on many trips over the years. We would sit on his couch and drink greyhounds or head to the horse track and bet on some races. He had a very loving undertone with a cynical humor that made me roar out with load crazy laughter. When we were kids him and my cousins nicole and karl would come out to the Florida Keys with us. HE would video tape everything on one of those gigantic video cameras. Last time I saw him I watched the dance that Nicole and I choreographed to that Kokomo song on a pull out bed in our hotel. These times brought so much joy to Tim. He loved his family and whenever these short visits were over, after all the shit talking we all did, he would give me that sincere hug and tell me he loved me.

Uncle Tim, rest in Peace. I hope its fun up there.....

In the midst of the ceremony we are attending out here and the difficulty of that I must say this trip is needed for me right now. It is nice to get a change of place. I was feeling a little anxious the last few weeks starting to feel the season change and feeling ancy about what the next step is. It is nice to step back into the present.

All those hilarious moments

2010-02-06T20:03:00.000-08:00

Mon o mon. There are some funny people out there. I work 2 days at a little ski shop hidden in a small enclave right off a ski run. Within this 20 hours of work lays much laughter in just the observations of people and the way they act when they are on vacation. The guy I work with calls them "muppets"///// Yes. Aren't we all muppets sometimes? Sometimes I wish I could be more of a muppet. What genius characters those were.
Much laughter is created through the joy I do get out of those purely seinfled esque moments. You know the ones. Where you catch someone doing something ridiculous and so silly that you notice it and it makes you sit back and think "wow". "Is that guy really gonna carry his skis like that?....uh uh. Oh yeah he is". It really just brings me joy if people are being themselves. Which is one of the most refreshing things you can do in the world. Because in peoples truest moments, when they dont think or notice anyone looking is where the best human observation moments occur and truth speaks between the lines. When someone wears a full piece purple ski suit from 1982 I feel like I love them. We all live in our bubbles but it is those random encounters with other people who live in their bubbles that we all pop. There is a unity within all of our diverse characteristics, flaws, philosophies that people watching must bring out in even the most cynical of us. I interact everyday with these people from halfway across the world or halfway across the state. They all come to one place to convene and to partake in vacation like activities. Most all of them live a life very different from mine and extremely unique to their own physical location and upbringing. Somedays these people may annoy the shit out of me, sometimes they say things so nonchalantly that I wish I could write a whole comedy skit about, and sometimes they are in and out so quick kind of like these thoughts.

And off we go. Like particles in the sky, like muppets on the road, like fingers on the keyboard. I enjoy these encounters with people wherever I am and know that being in tune with other people in all of there weird glory can get me through any frustrating day and bring a shining light of hilarious to any situation.

Towers of Truth surrounded by Moats of Glory

2010-02-02T19:30:00.000-08:00

I asked you a question
I didn't need you to reply
Is it getting heavy?
And then realize
It's getting heavy
Well I thought it was already as heavy as can be

Is it overwhelming
To use a crane to crush a fly?
It's a good time for Superman
To lift the sun into the sky
Cause it's getting heavy
Well I thought it was already as heavy as can be

Tell everybody
Waiting for Superman
That they should try to
Hold on the best they can
He hasn't dropped them, forgot them or anything
It's just too heavy for Superman to lift

- Iron and Wine "Waiting for a Superman"

Listened to this song sitting on the couch and forking through the risotto I made for dinner. What is with risotto? Yes, it is good. Moistly laddened rice with that nice creamy italian flavor bouncing off of it. Oh yeah, delightful you say. But seriously, it so time consuming to cook and by the end of the whole ordeal all i could do is fork through it. I think I needed to take my mind off whatever my mind was rambling on about so I decided to make something that you need to stand over and stir for 1 hour to cook. All worth it in the end? Sure.

All I could do is listen to that song though. Something about it just makes sense. What a weekend. After Chris had a close call with death in a car accident and then getting texts all afternoon from my cousin Kathy that her son Tommy (one of my favorite people in the world) was in intensive care and maybe going to die all in one day I thought I would have a heart attack at age 28! Then I got the stomach flu, had run ins with not so desirable people, had to work and put on a happy face when all a girl wanted was to hide in comfy pants and watch movies all day cozy time.

Ahh, well all is back in order now and I am up and carrying the blocks of life and the pails of water to rebuild. They will get heavy again. Inevitable. Yet, we have to just look forward to all the days in which what we carry with us feels light and easy. When they get too heavy to carry we will put them down, take a break and get up to walk again. With those blocks we will build beautiful towers of truth encircled by clear moats of glory of that not so heavy water we carried. That water that we never spilled on the long walk to our building site.

Because we all our here to build something. Weather it is metaphorical or not doesn't really matter. Lets be honest with ourselves here. We are all in it together. So don't waste another minute. If someone else dropped their heavy pails then, by gosh, help them pick it up. Human beings are too complicated for our own good. Yet innately I feel like we just want to make wonderful things happen, be progressive, and have fun in the process. So in my mind that means we go forth down this road, whatever road it may be, and we build something useful together. It makes us see that nothing is that heavy other then our minds sometimes and that really each one of us is one little lucky schmuck taking time for granted again.

"Being alone..... there is a certain dignity to it"

2010-01-25T00:39:00.000-08:00

-----Brigitte Fonda, Singles (total 90's awesome movie)

This line sticks with me on those random happy nights where you wander out alone with no plan and just run into the thick of it all. The real thing, the sauce of the whole program, life in movement and you fitting like a glove into every one of its creases.
Adventures swell and the night flows with me happily goofing with new acquaintances and making it happen with existing partners in crime. I just go. I surrender and feel like I am traveling again, only because where I live is full of so many interesting characters ready to open their books to you.
I really enjoy the freedom to feel at ease in the midst of darkness, to make unassuming bonds with strangers or the ones you just never get time to know well enough. I enjoy random occurances and mine and other peoples abilities to dive into them. I have a person to experience these things with any time I need him. it is a wonderful thing to have someone with you whom it is so incrediblly easy to be with that it just all melts into a glass and you want to drink it everyday for breakfast. I am lucky enough to have that person always near, in some way or another, if I need that full on comprehension of every situation, relation of spirit, and most of all if I just need laughter. There is no one I love more then that man. He is a wonder of my world.

Yet those solo events, excursions, journies bring me back to who I always have been in a way. That crazy solo adventurous. The one who likes to get lost, but internally whose map always reads the coordinates. The curious sided one that creates a learning experience upon every human interaction, and who can drive with the windows open while manually tuning in that perfect built to spill song playing on the radio. I know this will always exist, boyfriend or not....it is nice to recollect my reality and to just feel light and happy about the stability I have, but the freedom that will always live inside of me.

Wherever you are, There you are

2010-01-19T22:44:00.000-08:00

Wonderful days. Ice hockey under the mountain stars infused with laughter, goals, falls, and high fives. Hikes full of questions and answers about how to balance age and define our destiny. Yoga classes that take me away into those moments of silence that seem to be to far in between the next. Night out with mom and the ladies watching goofy gods and goddesses personify male and female definitions with their body movements while wearing colored tights. And here I lay on my colorful throne awaiting my sleepiness, which lately seems to come later then it probably should every night.

So I wander, wonder, escape into my mind. I think about how I analyze and map out my next adventure and how I creep into the little slots in my soul and curl up with myself asking where I will end up, what I will do, how I will get there.
Saturn returns and the consistent questions persist as we try to quiet the loud parts of our conscious.

Why must it be the human condition to always seek a new horizon? Why must we mystify
ourselves with what is around the corner or to seek these riper pastures?

I think it is beautiful. It allows us to move beyond the mundane, the constant and create new ideas, reflections. It allows us to walk on roads that seem to almost be paved in gold, only because they seem to never have been stepped upon before.
I know some people are more reluctant then others to move in these sly un predictable ways. I know some like to stay with the norm and live out the dream in a almost ascertainable manner. My dad always said "where ever you are, there you are" as we looked out the holes out the bottom of his baby blue 82 beat up ford truck and my best friend and I ducked when he dropped us off at school. Damn, that was good advice. Advice so simple that stays with you. At the time it went into my ear through one side and stuck, but just didn't make any god damn sense. Now it hits me like a fountain.

I have always been a runner. One that stays in one place only long enough to feel like I am slightly over it then I just say hey lets go somewhere else. I need diversity. In jobs, in locations, in friends, in hobbies. I say why not to this type of behavior. I like the fusion of lives and the loves of many things. I seek travel because it keeps my mind on its lil' bitty toes observing the differences and loving the outcomes. Whatever it is, when you can enjoy the outcome with no expectations, life is a beautiful thing. Even if that is settling down and giving in to the power of solid foundations and making your surroundings, your community into a more intriguing place. I am there now, settled, but my body knows it will always go again. My dads theory has many meanings. Most of all though I see it as a way of being present. With that human condition of exploration ingrained in us we must follow its roads. If we infuse that condition with our individual personality to pursue and keep the momentum of whatever it is we are currently immersed in, we all will be right wherever we are right when we are there. I love it.

Camp Re-generation!!

2010-01-15T12:44:00.000-08:00

If anybody know any happy go lucky, go getter, enthusiastic about living types ages 10-16 then please tell them about our Summer Camp....
It starts June 14th for the whole summer and themes include:
Ecological Gardening, natural building, spinning and weaving, holistic cooking, wilderness awareness, natural handicrafts, herbal remedies, bread making, energy and resource efficiency, and much much more!
Organically local lunchs, yoga, hikes, and basically all the fun you could fit into a kids summer camp! We may even have a booth at the Basalt Farmers Market so that the kids can sell the produce that they grow and the creations they make.

It is held at Rock Bottom Ranch in Basalt in collaboration with ACES.

So excited to be a part of this. Can't wait to document the summer and be outside learning, teaching, living, moving, making and working with such great group of people.

More info email me at erintiff@gmail.com
and check out our website www.re-generation.us

Banana life

2010-01-12T20:32:00.000-08:00

I don't know what the hell it is about cooking that makes me so damn pleased. It is a project that can be started and finished and then utilized all in one short time span. Thank god for things like cooking in a world where we start projects that seem to never get finished. You would be a damn lier if you said that you didn't have a half done project sitting somewhere within a 12 foot span of you right now that is not finished and may not be for a while. So cooking brings me home and into a place of meditation, purity, and originality. Above are some scrumptious muffs for your delectable pleasure..... here is the recipe... this is one of those recipes that is easy, cheap, fast as hell and will make you new friends. Just to illustrate to you how these happy shit like this makes me.....I leave the kitchen and non chalantly wave to the muffins from across the room, like we are casual acquaintances just loving on each other in a public meeting place without even thinking about it....till about halfway down the hall when I realize what I did was just partially psychotic.

* 3 ripe bananas, mashed with a fork
* 1/4 cup oil
* 1/2 cup honey *** note: use half maple syrup..so good
* 1 & 1/2 cup whole wheat flour
* 1/2 teaspoon salt
* 1/2 teaspoon baking soda.
* 1/2 cup wheat germ or oat bran or flaxseed meal
* I add 1 egg....just cause I hate following recipes to the tee . turns out perfect
*lil' vanilla
*lil' allspice and cinnimon

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Mix all dry ingredients first, then mix in bananas, oil and honey. (If you measure out the oil first, when you pour out the honey, it will all slide cleanly out of the cup.)

Pour into oiled bread pan and bake for 20 minutes. This recipe is also great for muffins. Muffins are more like 15 minutes until done. Use a toothpick or knife to check the middle. If it sticks, keep baking.

That is that. In life few things are definite or reliable. But food is all of that and so much more.

Blue blue blue

2010-01-12T20:22:00.000-08:00

Oh Colorado...that blue sky you have regularly should be framed and painted on every wall in every town that has rainy winters just to remind them that, yes, it still exists in all its glory.

Immersion within

2010-01-10T21:14:00.000-08:00

SWimMing- WaTEr
Everything forgets underwater. The body of water in the shape of a pool inside a little place called the rec center about 800 feet from my house is a sanctuary of sorts for me. Back and forth I flip and propel. The steam rises from its ripples into the mountain sky, the reflection of movement dances on the tiles below.
I lose myself in the patterns slipping and sliding over each other as I un fog my 5 dollar goggles and sweep in again watching each hand swipe in front of the other and move me forward. After about the 8th lap I lose myself, the ache in my arm goes away, the obsession of people watching and the comings and goings eludes me. Silk slips past my skin each time I move in it. My skin cells regenerate and free themselves from their constant clothed awkwardness. I am free.
It is not perfect I will admit. Granted, It is a salt water pool and it is outside so that the sun can reflect and cure me of those blues. Yet there is no swells to juxtopose me and twirl me in my own vulnerability. The water doesnt go on forever from my perspective. There are walls and it is a rectangle. I have to turn around more then I would like to. It is not an ocean. But it is a pool and one has to appreciate the security that it is there when i need it. It does always grant me the gift of flow right when it is needed most. You can not just tell yourself to flow, one has to feel it surrounding every inch of ones body. One has to dive in and let it swallow you to come out feeling new again. Refreshed, rejuvinated, remembering the continuation goes and goes and goes....

Their our days

2010-01-07T19:02:00.000-08:00

And we don't have to live them alone. Connections fuel inspirations and inspirations ignite progress. So my new opinion is to share, because it seems what gets me through all of this proposed madness is those connections and the expression that creates them. So this year I write. I blog. I can not even believe I am saying it, but I won't say it, I will just do it. Saying is just a way of manifesting doing without using ANY of your power. Yes, so we do.

I propose to bring a regiment, if you will, into my life by expressing, documenting, photographing and bringing to you my stream of conciousness observational writing. Purpose? Mission? To seek out the small stuff that passes me by in this whirlwind and to bring it to you (and myself) fresh and ripe for mass distribution. Okay, okay, none of that mass distribution.....more of a sky high collaboration. Or a healthy documentation. A catalysimic collaboration station of beautiful daily moments and how to infuse them to really ensue them. How about ......??????? A twirly bird spiraling cannotation (http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_a_cannotation) that sparks out of me or out of you and into all of us too? Ahh I love them all. They all tickle me right in between my left toes.

I want to look at the world with more love, health, and creativity, thus importing more of it into every one of our lives. So I set out to illustrate, scribe, and create a visual for our evolution together in living it.....to the max. Each day I want to pick one thing that brings a little flitter flatter pitter patter into my life. Each thing we may take for granted gives this universe a little tidbit more of that mystery and glory that fuels us, just in noticing its sheer existence.

Conciousness in these small routines and learning techniques from each other is our blessing. So lets use the tools we have to manifest what we talk and use that power take this walk. Together.

The evervescent moving machine

2009-11-01T15:03:00.000-08:00

Transience becomes me. I have been living out of a black diamond climbing pack for the last 3 weeks. Before that it was a gigantic dry bag that was always full of dirty clothes for another month. The airport I am now sitting in I have sat in 4 times in the last 2 weeks, missing planes, waiting, eating, wondering where the hell I am. after travelling 240 miles in 21 days floating on a raft and only using natures power to move us, I am feeling exhausted by the high speeds in which we get going on these flying contraptions.
Life is propelling. We are naturally attracted and seek these propulsion, yearning for a degree of complexcity and an overall eagerness to feel valuable in this craziness of it. So we move with them, driving, phone, drive, phone, eat, phone, fly, go, move. Sitting at the airport, or in L.A. traffic, or just at a spur of the moment location passing in the night they are there, always. It leads me to these thoughts because I see them and our lives briefly co interact. I see them lost in the touch of their phone, the emails that elevate off each glance, I see the worry in them, the crease in their forehead, the hole in their pocket, and the attempt to fill the whole up again.

I know I have been given so much space in my own life for freedom and time to just be, to let my mind wander, to let new ideas manifest. I float and I propel. I am a propelling floater. A propoater. I also know that not everyone is bequeathed with the power to do so much floating. It is not as much monetary as just a mental characteristic passed down by floater parents.

So the float rolls on, ready to dive into a project, a place, a passion, a purpose. Not to stop the float, but just to build off of it really. And on your way home after visits to places always gives you the chance to start over. A chance to re invent the wheel and wheel your float on down the timeline.
Being in California cured my ocean blues that come on after not seeing it for 5 months. I swam with my eyes open every time I dove in. That color hue never changes for me. The blue hue with aqua rings that bubbles around me always feels just as nice as the time before, no matter how much time has passed. My body slides through salty liquid effortlessly. Everything is forgotton underneath the water. All of the hopes, the worries, the regrets, the remorse, the needs. All of it is gone. Then being with my cousins is always a lesson and inspiration in life loving. As Tommy pushes through his treatment with cancer I see his spirit go through the extremes of life. An 11 year old whom I admire, a boy who has a spirit that shines through any dark tunnels. A family that is seeing lifetimes with their situation. I admire Kathy, Tommy and Vivi like they are some sort of soul mates for me and to inspire me in how use perspective to shape my own journey.

On top of the Grand Canyon venture and the grandma visit in suburban Detroit, I have been hopping around the American landscape with evolving perspectives. Still figuring out how the 3 of them come together. Yet I know already that all those experiences never let me feel lonely. I am so consitently surrounded by people who create love and community for me wherever I go.

Now it is home again, soon enough. With the dreams and memories of the Grand Canyon still drifting in and out of my scene, the gratefulness of grandmas, the happiness that I dont live in a suburb, the glide of my body down a wave in San Clemente, the realization of what cancer does, and the beauty of having space to live a life of beauty. I see the projects moving forth from here. Through the interaction with other people one only learns more about oneself. I have much further to go, but know that the life that I have lived thus far and the one I think about on a daily basis along with the dreams, the projects, the passions, I know it is the only way to live and that I will always go out of my way to have it.

Sometimes my main thought while sitting in these chairs at airports, and all those other new obscure places is, that I can only hope that everyone walking by me is living the life that they dream of. Every single one of them deserves that.

Warm winds

2008-07-09T23:49:00.000-07:00

I wrote this last week in the dark........

The smoke from the fires up in the mountains put a hue of pink in the north sky tonight that beamed so into the kitchen when I was making curry chicken salad too early to be the sunset. The puffy endless cloud sat right in front of the sun and were lined with purple threads.

Then the power went out. I freaking adore when that happens. Everyone seems to calm down to this point of sanity that sits a little bit better with me. People stand outside their houses trying to find someone to chat too and scrounge around their junk drawers for batteries. I love it. Chris and I played frisbee ( and may I add my throw was in perfect form tonight), we climbed a tree and then sat on the porch winding up the wind up radio ( that thing can amuse me for hours). As the sun went down the cars ceased to exist and only the faint noise of the evening train choo chooing in dimly resembled itself in the distance.

To some disasters are just that. Sometimes I fight with disasters. Have fires been happening forever? Is it a natural progresstion of their ecology? Is it too dry (Yes!!)? Too many people, using too much water?? Definitly yes. People who fight that fire tonight up in the hills are hot to trot and fighting a merciless force of indeniable proportions. What destroys and a powerful swift force that joins up with wind to overpower its surroundings.

And here we are, say 30 miles, from a brushed out dry desert that is being winded all night. We lay so lush in our houses with our power, water, internet, things and the natural progression of disaster feels so far away.
In communities like ours in the U.S. that seem like smart little safe havens and shelters from so many manmade and natural tragedies that other continents seem to be ransacked by......I feel so lucky. So blessed, like Marilyn Monroe in a covnertible on a coastal road with wind blowing in the hair. We have it all and use it like we don't even realize we have it. I am guilty. We are all to a certain degree.
We work, drive around, use technology like we couldn't live without it, we work more, fill up gas tanks and try to always justify it. We cook, we freeze, we eat, we use, we flush, we leave it all on when we are gone and let it run. Then...........we run out. It is an interesting thing when we just calm down and stop trying to chase it all down the road till we all explode.

Why cannot we progress back to the basics. Using rainwater, grey water, heating water with solar, reusing. All the rules of this country could lead to its downfall. All the health regulations leave us scrambling for water in the end.

I need very little and to have what I have in terms of family, friends, loves, food, flowers on my table, freedom, ideas, abilities, time, cleanliness, breath, opportunities to make it all happen.
The power exterminating itself teaches us all to remain grounded . Slowing me down. I love when the power goes out. Darkness reigns the streets and it doesn't feel like California anymore, it feels like a small village in Mexico on a perfect evening.

Maybe it is time to start this thing

2008-06-25T11:02:00.001-07:00

In the sake of documenting my life in order to read it in my next life I figured I would start this blog stuff. Possibly it will be only for my personal memoir or maybe if you are lucky you will find it or "subscribe" to my interesting jaunts and find some sort of solace in my scattered stream of thought along the way. Life is starting to settle for me a bit as I am fixing up a home to temporarily live in in Santa Barbara California. This morning Chris and I got up early to go surfing only to drive south and find nothing but long duck dong waves. Everytime I see the summer swells here I crave that 7'5 fun shape or that fish to make the most out of every line. Yet I don't think I can afford the quiver at this point so instead I paddle around and find the perfect sweet spot to drop in on my 5'11 green machine and end up ripping it anyways. Ha longboarders!! The heat wave has deceased and the misty morning is a well needed retreat away from the sun. Sometimes the unsunny days are what relax you the most.
The weather here is one of the most mentally invigorating parts about this location. I love the perfect tempertures and big parks to walk in and not feel too hot or cold. There is a blessed feeling between the mountains and the coast that places like California, Hawaii, New Zealand ooze out of them and I feel healthy in these spots.
Don't know if I could reside in the California craziness though. After residing in Colorado I realize I like the peace of the mountains and the unpretentious attitudes of inlanders. Californians do put out a funny I am cool attitude that I find more hilarious then actually viable.
For now though this is perfect. We ar helping fix up a rental property for some kooky locals and, have once again, found the perfect money saving situation. We can bike everywhere, there is an avocado tree next door and life feels good. Of course the place is still a bit of a construction zone but sometimes my whole life feels like one of those. I know someday it will slow down and then I will miss the "work in progress". It is cool helping do some little projects around the house because it makes Chris and I realize we want to invest in our own "fixer upper" soon enough. Though the dream and the outcome will more be creating our own natural house from scratch with local resources and many creative corners. All in time.

As for career outputs....well since I have decided I am a little career phobic I am looking around for new and broadening experiences. I wish I could volunteer for a bunch of organizations I care about and somehow get paid for it. I actually have already picked up a non paying interesting gig for a day or so a week at a International language school. It is fun and a great thing for the old piece o paper that records my millions of jobs/talents. It is like working in a hostel practically. I find it very fun to observe other nationalities trying to figure out life in the states and helping them accumulate good experiences here. I have been there and advocate the fact that they are trying something new. I also think about doing some substituting once school starts back up. I love the idea of being a substitute. No commitments. I don't know why a commitment to a job scares me so much, but it seems so longterm to sign on as a full time teacher. Then there are random nonprofits that have interested me.....but what doesn't interest me is sitting on a computer all day typing like a zombie. That is what may lead people to looking at my blog, by getting paid to computer it up all day. I do not endorse too much computer time.

In any form, I do not worry. If I go where I want to go I find what I want to do and meet the people I am supposed to. I have learned to accept my lifestyle and to embrace all he curves of it, because that is what makes it mine and fun for that matter. There is a million interesting things to do and my goal is to try a bunch of those.